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twofiftythree posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
bi-trillets attempt. this one wasn’t easy for me…never do well when rhymin is involved.
endless night confession
breathe in the black smoke, love feels like a joke
the nights we wasted tasted strange
cheap liquor kiss, dirty exchangeyou were my worst itch, struck like a kill switch
old barroom lungs in borrowed light
we swore we’…Read More-
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I wonder if we are readin the same poem. I really expected this one to get marked up with a red pen on all the places I went wrong. I appreciate your input and the lessons you’re providin. I’ll agree with you on fixin the rhyme so I’ll add the s to pain. but you’re gonna have to pry my lowercase letters and lack of punctuation from my cold dead ha…Read More
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Sam Nash wrote a new post
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Damian DeadLove wrote a new post
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First this can be both a poem and a song, it has the beat of a song. Second, You said in your note that instead of thinking wiser You rolled with it, but truth to be said your poem from first line to the final is all wisdom. For me this is a monologue with the inner self to make sense of what is not sense, To be aware of everything that happened and what is needed to be changed, the “had enough” and welling to breaking the patten of the same repeation is felt in the final verse, your poems always has a personal feeling and that make them special.
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Thanks so much for reading and your kind words, Light. So glad you connected with the write my friend. I think it works either way myself. I must say I always enjoy your commentary and opinions, you’re pretty much on point with where I was going with this one. There are always pieces of me in my writes my friend. Appreciate you.
Damian
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Oh damn, that last verse hit hard. After each of the other verses, it became a hammer of defiance. I’m not sure I believe in a norm. It always just strikes me as others expecting you to be more like them. Meet them at their level because they’re too lazy to move. To evolve. No thank you. This is another strong piece. And I think just rolling with it worked out beautifully, my friend
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Thanks so much for reading and your kind words, Willow. So glad you connected with the write my friend. I don’t know that I believe in the norm either, I agree it’s like living up to the standard of others, funny thing is that they can’t live up to it themselves. But hypocrites love to snipe at others. So glad I rolled with it as well. Appreciate you.
Damian
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Damian when the illusions melt away and the masks are gone there is a great since of liberation as well as sadness. Not fitting in can make one feel alone but at the same time emancipated from a lifetime of being a square peg in a round hole. Truly great poetry here, my friend. You have given me the reader a glimpse into a life that is honest to oneself. I am most enriched to have read this.
John
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Crimsin wrote a new post
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Powerfully penned, Brenda. Loss is tough my friend, a very heartfelt write. Grief is sometimes like pacing in circles wondering if one did enough, and praying that our beloved know how much they were loved. Prayers and positive energy sent your way, thanks for sharing something so private. Appreciate you.
Damian
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Brenda this piece was just lovely.
Your sadness is palpable in the words and the spaces between them.
Sometimes I wonder what the point of life is…..I haven’t come up with an answer yet.
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This is incredibly sad! Your honest, very well expressed self-reflections strike right at the heart of your readers. I can feel the ink bleeding from your heart! A big heart felt hug of love and positives energy! 🫂🙏
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Thank You for being his Mom🤍 He chose You to be His Mom🤍. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child… it’s for sure unbearable, it is, the only comfort is to remember that his soul is near, He is near, if You can’t see him it doesn’t mean that it is not true. You are strong to express your pain sincerely like this, but please please please… Don’t dwell in gulit, it’s not your fault or his, as I’ve said in my first sentences. HE chose You to be his Mom and Thank You for being his 🤍 always remember this, always and ever!
Sending You warm hugs strong beautiful Mother💓
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hello lovely light your comment made me cry I wonder if he chose because he thought he could help he was so enigmatic such a force I love your thoughts and I miss him very much thank you kind soul ❤️
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I can’t add to that which has already been written. Death is just borrowing him for a moment. Your heart will probably never mend, but will pulse strong in your memories.
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A brilliant submittal, Syr Dru
Congratulations on another successfully excellent effort in displaying such admirable skill in the true essence and grasp of that which is conveyed in these earnestly shared teaching sessions.
Your poetic potential is second to none … this piece is spot-on in every sense of the phrase: meter, poetic voice, i…Read More