I’m big on the closing lines of a poem. What an impact they make. It’s the impression your reader walks away with, that stays in your head like a song you can’t shake. The lost loves and the unrequited loves are always on my hit list. You nailed this one, Damian…so good!

This was hidden? Man, this was screaming to be let out. “No winners because the race was fixed.” Yup.
This is a great piece, cuz

The last stanza is a real ass kicker! The rhyme scheme is cool too. It’s obvious that you care about your results. It shows in your craftings. This is thought provoking, but not heavy. Well done Damian.

I too enjoyed the rhyme scheme. Everyone can relate to this. We’ve all been there.
When you both know it was over a few months back!
Great write amigo!

wow dearest Damian so much power and passion in this I am floored ❤️great write…

Now aint that the truth so bloomin well poemed .. Say it like it is why don’tcha eh .. Great ink Damian & subsequently awarded Nev’s dubble 👍👍

This is dark, deep, and brilliant, Damian. I’m glad you dug it out of the vault! The honesty in this poem is cutting, and the final lines–“instead of owning we rented / while love got strangled” –are a phenomenal, memorable finish. A wicked good read.

“another moment dies”

That’s the thing people lose sight of. Once the moment is gone…it’s gone. What we make of it bears a lot of weight. I’d rather carry honest weight than the baggage of pretense. I’m glad you found this one. It needed to breathe, my friend

Damian, great rhyme and flow while delivering a strong message.
Excellent work sir.

Hard hitting piece. So true my friend. kick-ass write Damian.

Powerfully penned, Fia. Into the book it belongs! Excellent write my friend, I felt the sting of your words. Appreciate you, cuz.

Damian

We do what we must. Well, the good ones do! Like you.
Speak your words, Fia. Take a bow and some praise. It ain’t easy out there. Luckily you’ve discovered the therapy of ceative writing. It DOES help. It can save souls, if we trust ourselves to focus on hope.
Wonderful, uplifting write my dear.

Man. I can relate to this. Not just myself but with my friends and family.
There is no telling where I’d be without my mom. She is my rock.
So empowering!! Thank you for posting !!

The kids are everything. And if they’re not…something ain’t right. Felt this one in my maternal DNA.

Whatever it takes!

Life can be cruel and unfair, so I thank God for mothers like this. It is my great hope that their sacrifices will be rewarded–if not in this life, then the next.

Life is a fight. You have invoked a great feeling of grit and determination.
Regards James

I felt this deep in my marrow. Your dedication to those children renewed my faith in humankind. The struggle to keep your children fed and housed moved my heart deeply. This is truly one of your very best poems. It speaks to me of a mother’s love and her oh so protective spirit t keep her children safe, healthy, and well. This is much more than a poem it is a living breathing testament to a mother’s love. I loved this so much.

John

Right on, man. Such an inspiring write! Addiction is very much like a ghost, haunting each moment of our lives. I am so happy you were able to push through and maintain. If you ever had any doubt, this poem is proof, that you absolutely do not need alcohol to conjure beauty and meaning on the page.

The last two lines in the third octet scream truth in my mind. Very, very wise.

Clay

Stay true to yourself and keep on pushing forward. Rock on dude!! Great piece of poetry

I love the honesty in this. What a purge of the soul amigo!
This has so much in it. It had its own evolution.
Just terrific!

That’s poetry for ya folks .. Bloomin brill my friend .. Neville 😎👍

“My pen became a sword
poetry served as pseudo armor”

Amazing how many of us are among this army. Accepting help is so hard. Especially if you’ve rarely been offered a hand. And we’re all kinda programmed to ‘suck it up’…like being human is a weakness. Stripped raw & flushing the wounds here, brutal honesty at its finest, my friend

This poem is raw, honest, and deeply moving. Knowing you wrote it just months into your sobriety makes it even more powerful –your pen becomes both sword and shield, guiding you from darkness to hope. A beautiful testament to resilience and the strength of new beginnings.

“Observation is an art form that must be mastered.” I love the contempt you pour on the system, from the “Marshmallow figures” bowing to a “corporate bastard,” to the reality of censored voices. The final, detached image of “Strumming an old guitar while watching humans play” is the perfect, chilling exit from the chaos. Brilliant and perceptive.

I read this in a minor key….
Great work.

Art is an art. It takes a good eye and connection to emotions. But some treat it as a product. Like Lionel Richie said ‘there are creative artists and created artists’.

Great ink friend

Preach it, in rhymes! Well delivered in a poetic voice that stays to the front of our brains. awesome words Damian.

I hear you on this one, Damian. Nice work.

Brilliant imagery. Excellent.

The games people play are often cruel and thoughtless, and more often they don’t even give their own opinion. Like marionettes, they do and repeat what others tell them. We all should begin to be more authentic and have meaningful and responsible conversations for the sake of all persons involved.
A brilliant socially critical poem, dear Damian!

Well thought out and well executed. Marvelous write Damian.

I think most poets, indeed most writers in general are people watchers at heart .. You just nailed us with this one sir .,. Write on brother .. Neville 😎👍

Please tell me this one might have a place on the album. This is what’s called a hole in one! Makes me think about how much chaos is visible of what “they’re” doing. It’s like the iceberg. What aren’t we meant to see? That’s the shit that keeps me up nights. Eyes on honesty, as always, my friend

“Plastic people are always asking for motivation” I like the message on this, as if some folks seek validation from others to feed ego. I’ve always thought the initial motivation should be intrinsic so as to have a solid foundation in our true worth. Maybe social media has watered down much of that.
Amazing work.

Beautifully penned, Fia. Incredible write my friend, really like this a lot. Appreciate you, cuz.

Damian

It’s a beautiful thing when minds sync on one purpose. Your closing line couldn’t define it better!

Sweetly sung as whispers. A hint of seductive word play without being graphic. I like the subtlety. Leave the reader to build their own visions as they read. Well crafted Fia.

Thank you, Hj xx

Nicely done, Fia. Your romantic side is showing. 🙂

🙂 I’ll bet you can.

Superb and sensual. Excellent.

Nicely done, Fia, but it seems to need just a bit of punctuation to help with the flow, I wasn’t sure at first how to read it, stopping after each line, then going, “Oh, I see it now.” Nice work.

You can beat an egg and a drum and a carpet .. and a few other things besides .. but you just can’t beat a bit of sync now can ya eh’ .. Very much enjoyed the ride Fia .. Neville 😎👍

Hold on we have to go back to the beginning, we will return on your tightness

Fia, this read like an erotic encounter of a bewitchingly soft yet libidinal ambrosia. There is magic here that takes me into the heart of the poem. I could feel the silken sheets and that last line has to be the most original and brilliant ending “liquid ambrosia”.

John