I wanted to say something before I end the read. My initial take on the story is that it is sweet. I appreciate the two colors to keep people engaged with who is speaking. I will finish it and write the rest of this comment.

Oh my.. So they knew each other? She wanted him but was scared; he wanted her but was scared. Seems to go well with what is happening with young people who only talk online. Now, creeping into her place is taking it to another level.
Hopefully it ends well for both of them

Great write….hope you get what you want.

“Observation is an art form that must be mastered.” I love the contempt you pour on the system, from the “Marshmallow figures” bowing to a “corporate bastard,” to the reality of censored voices. The final, detached image of “Strumming an old guitar while watching humans play” is the perfect, chilling exit from the chaos. Brilliant and perceptive.

I read this in a minor key….
Great work.

Art is an art. It takes a good eye and connection to emotions. But some treat it as a product. Like Lionel Richie said ‘there are creative artists and created artists’.

Great ink friend

Preach it, in rhymes! Well delivered in a poetic voice that stays to the front of our brains. awesome words Damian.

I hear you on this one, Damian. Nice work.

Brilliant imagery. Excellent.

The games people play are often cruel and thoughtless, and more often they don’t even give their own opinion. Like marionettes, they do and repeat what others tell them. We all should begin to be more authentic and have meaningful and responsible conversations for the sake of all persons involved.
A brilliant socially critical poem, dear Damian!

Well thought out and well executed. Marvelous write Damian.

I think most poets, indeed most writers in general are people watchers at heart .. You just nailed us with this one sir .,. Write on brother .. Neville 😎👍

Please tell me this one might have a place on the album. This is what’s called a hole in one! Makes me think about how much chaos is visible of what “they’re” doing. It’s like the iceberg. What aren’t we meant to see? That’s the shit that keeps me up nights. Eyes on honesty, as always, my friend

“Plastic people are always asking for motivation” I like the message on this, as if some folks seek validation from others to feed ego. I’ve always thought the initial motivation should be intrinsic so as to have a solid foundation in our true worth. Maybe social media has watered down much of that.
Amazing work.

Beautifully penned, Fia. Incredible write my friend, really like this a lot. Appreciate you, cuz.

Damian

It’s a beautiful thing when minds sync on one purpose. Your closing line couldn’t define it better!

Sweetly sung as whispers. A hint of seductive word play without being graphic. I like the subtlety. Leave the reader to build their own visions as they read. Well crafted Fia.

Thank you, Hj xx

Nicely done, Fia. Your romantic side is showing. 🙂

🙂 I’ll bet you can.

Superb and sensual. Excellent.

Nicely done, Fia, but it seems to need just a bit of punctuation to help with the flow, I wasn’t sure at first how to read it, stopping after each line, then going, “Oh, I see it now.” Nice work.

You can beat an egg and a drum and a carpet .. and a few other things besides .. but you just can’t beat a bit of sync now can ya eh’ .. Very much enjoyed the ride Fia .. Neville 😎👍

Hold on we have to go back to the beginning, we will return on your tightness

Fia, this read like an erotic encounter of a bewitchingly soft yet libidinal ambrosia. There is magic here that takes me into the heart of the poem. I could feel the silken sheets and that last line has to be the most original and brilliant ending “liquid ambrosia”.

John