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twofiftythree posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
for sake of the lesson I added punctuation…don’t get attached.
gravity slip
I stumble thru a world
that’s bent slightly outa focus
as if it were half dream,
half burn.
heat risin off my skin in waves
like quiet embers tryin
to decide if I’m worth ignitin.every breath feels wrong,
every step lands heavy,
gravity clawin up my s…Read More![Profile Photo]()
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Fia Naturie posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
This is my Free verse
Do you hear the sun?
As the rays beat down on the ground,
It is subtle but poignant
It’s purpose is to burn.
The exquisite heat,
does not match the coolness in your eyesDo you smell the wind?
Multicolored in its complexity
Surrounds you,
Invades your very core.
It gives you life.
Then withdraws to take your b…Read More![Profile Photo]()
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![Profile picture of RICHARD "Rascal" JENKINS]()
Beautifully imagined, Fia, an excellent effort!
Deserves a VERY strong title!ISSUES TO CONSIDER:
1. Unnecessarily Capitalizing every line, which tends to confuse when one complete line, thought, etc; begins or ends, effectively stumbling the flow, attention, and overall magical smoothness of a poem’s captive spell.
2. Poetic voice … how a poe…Read More-
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I’ll work on it. Thanks for the guidance
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![Profile picture of RICHARD "Rascal" JENKINS]()
You make sharing a distinct pleasure. 🙏
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twofiftythree posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
ok…not a fan of haikus apparently. they’re harder than I thought. wrote a whole bunch wrong and had to start again. then my favorite involved a pond. I saw SeaCat’s and thought damnit…let’s not both write ponds. ultimately I realized I’d rather write a thousand sonnets than a single haiku. but I definitely learned somethin.
clouds file past t…Read More
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![Profile picture of RICHARD "Rascal" JENKINS]()
LOL!
Two ponds would be just fine, but I’m quite chuffed with this one, myself!
Now, that’s a splendid Haiku, 253.
Ditch “the” and replace it with something meaningful, like “gold moon” or some such and it’ll sparkle on the page
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![Profile picture of RICHARD "Rascal" JENKINS]()
RICHARD "Rascal" JENKINS posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
GOODNESS, TFT!
Now, THAT is a proper Sonnet … it’s obvious you’ve done your homework.
Your creativity sparks, emotion sings, and diction dances. And, I like your use of elision. Could use a bit’a punctuation.
See critique and edits below:I said I don’t do THIS. POems that behave (STRESS-STRESS / a count long)
that count their beats and…Read More![Profile Photo]()
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V3L4 should be: What’s next, a ballad? Maybe, one or two.
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![Profile picture of twofiftythree]()
much appreciated. good luck convincin me to use punctuation 😉
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![Profile picture of RICHARD "Rascal" JENKINS]()
Now, Syr Bard
Post it so everyone can enjoy your amazing flexibility and creativity with a poet’s pen.
I’ll be first in line to review it for you! ⁓ Richard
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twofiftythree posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
I said I don’t do this. poems that behave
that count their beats and beg to sound profound
but here I am the fool you couldn’t save
all rhyme and reason. love still hangin roundI hate this form. it’s polished. cold. confined
like scrubbin blood just so it stains again
I tell myself to leave your heart behind
but every line just drags…Read More![Profile Photo]()
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Sheer brilliance, Syr 253
You’ve mastered the heatbeat techniques of Free Verse poetry: Imagery, deeply gripping emotion, metaphor, spot-on line-breaks, seamless enjambment, syntax; and, except for the distraction of missing “g’s”, your diction and spellbinding flow would be irresistibly captivating to the senses.
Also, your well-placed…Read More