Beautifully imagined, Fia, an excellent effort!
Deserves a VERY strong title!

ISSUES TO CONSIDER:
1. Unnecessarily Capitalizing every line, which tends to confuse when one complete line, thought, etc; begins or ends, effectively stumbling the flow, attention, and overall magical smoothness of a poem’s captive spell.
2. Poetic voice … how a poet’s individuality, emotions, thoughts, and feelings are conveyed to the reader, creating a deep connection, making their work distinctive and apart from normal talking or common, everyday prose.
3. Eliminating as many meaningless “the, that, or, and, etc;” words as possible. Practice being as creative as possible in replacing them with poetic words, imagery, and metaphors as much as possible.
5. Grammar (proper Capitalization, punctuation, smooth poetic syntax, linebreak and enjambment timing, etc).
7. Note edits that alter everyday diction to poetic inferences.

Do you hear the sun,
its rays beating upon Earth?
It is subtle, but poignant;
it’s purpose – to burn.
Soft, exquisite heat
does not match
your eyes’ dire coolness.

Do you smell the wind,
multicolored in complexity?
It surrounds you,
invades your very core;
gifting vibrant life.
Then, withdraws,
stealing your breath away.

Do you feel the concrete,
strength unrelenting?
Yet, it cracks,
and It crumbles
like false façades of love.

Do you taste life,
its sweet tartness …
sticky, like honey poured into tea
… bitter, like elderberry wine?

Tell me,
“Do you see….?”

I hope this lesson has offered you further light to see by … I know it’s been a joy sharing our lessons with You!

Questions, comments, whatever you’d like … I’m here! ⁓ Richard🖌