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redzone wrote a new post
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RICHARD "Rascal" JENKINS posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
Submittted by: Twofiftythree
SENT 23 HOURS, 20 MINUTES AGO
think I got it with this one…the world goes quiet when I think of you
as if the noise remembers to be kind
the pulse slows down the edges soften too
and somethin steadier begins to bindI’ve spent my life in motion hard and fast
chasin the fire never once the pea…Read More -
redzone wrote a new post
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This is outstanding, Curt. It sounds to me like something Kerouac might have written. It needs voice, I think — but then, I think that of damn near everything — except a whole bunch of things I’ve heard on the radio and TV that should never have been heard by anyone. I do have my limits. There’s only one good thing about those things: I can turn them off. Now this, this is good very beautiful. It sings without the music. I could feel the need, the longing and the heartbreak. Excellent work, my friend.
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redzone wrote a new post
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“vivid as wildflowers” I might steal this line sometime! This beats for me as a song, it has the rhyme and the musical tune, and I can’t help but to remember “wind of change” yes the 80th song, because all I can think of is this poem being a revolutionary song and since the title is “Love” it even holds more power, great poem my friend, it radiates with enthusiastic energy.
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Well, I am glad I found you here, my friend. You are so welcome here and your voice is needed to give this piece the additional life it can have. Your words are very powerful, and I feel the song in it before you have given it that extra bit of life. So well written. I had no idea you were a revolutionary. Curt. Outstanding work! I look forward to hearing it. Please alert me when it is done.
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Your poem is amazing, absolutely amazing, dear Curt! To me love isn’t a feeling, it’s a state of being. When you become love, you will be the wildflower, the deep blue ocean and the bird song, the world needs to feel, hear and see to develop. By being the personification of love you help the whole world to become a better place!
The rhythm and flow of your poem is superb, it calls out for becoming a song.
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We played this game in messages to each other very recently, did we not? Oh, on a much smaller scale, of course, and with much less beautiful words than those you have used here, my friend. i.e., “Ah, the sweet smell of success! Or is it the success of sweet smells? etc.” Yes? I like this version much better. You added beauty to it, and made it much more intimate and meaningful. What we did before was meaningless fluff, now a silk purse from a poet’s ear.