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twofiftythree wrote a new post
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twofiftythree wrote a new post
3 Comments-
OH MY FUCKING GOD YES! I have this in my word list — I keep a list on my phone notes of words that tingle: Schadenfreude, Bifurcate, Aposematic, Etiology… so the title drew me in.
And good goddamn you told the story in lyric. IT WAS SO GOOD.
This was a standout. This was the stanza that made me come back three times:
there’s a particular beauty
to watchin someone burn
inside their own bullshit
the way the smoke
keeps spellin their name
long after everythin else forgets itTHE WAY THE SMOKE KEEPS SPELLING THEIR NAME?! That is brilliant and I’m in love with the image.
Really well penned.
Betty
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Fia Naturie wrote a new post
22 Comments-
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hello beautiful Fia this is perfectly written and it’s true older women no more how to please a man I like an older man myself combined with a little arrogance great write ❤️
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This is raw possession and feral confidence on the page—jealousy sharpened into language instead of apology.
It’s confrontational without flinching, and the voice knows exactly how far to lean into menace before it becomes theater. -
I’m digging the attitude and confidence. Telling it like it is in your own sense of style.
Back off my man! This is fun to read and had a swag urban feel to it.
Loved it ! -
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“There’s something that comes with age and time” there is something about this line that speaks with stoicism and control which also lets a little leeway to catch a case.
I loved the underlying theme, she may try tempt him but you have his heart.
Great work -
This is a subtle warning huh. LOL.
You make it seem “nice” because it rhymes. But so does “sharp” and “harp” -which is what they will be playing when you finish them off. LOL.
Great little ditty, with some real smoke!
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twofiftythree wrote a new post
10 Comments-
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Terrific write even though I find love to be more whimsical and fleeting,less obsessive.
Lots of things to like about this piece.
Keep up the good work.
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twofiftythree joined the group
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Intense the imagery of falling but it is internally.