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Backdeckbenny (Peter)Offline

    • Profile picture of Kay-1

      Kay-1 wrote a new post

      Reflection

      Reflection   Across the scuffed wood of this quiet booth,I slide a steaming mug toward your hands.You look so small, swallowed by that coat,Your eyes a restless map of practiced fear.I watch you stir the sugar, dark and deep,As steam...

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      • This is a very powerful piece, Kay, but I would ask you not to use capital letters at the start of a line that is a continuation of the preceding line; it makes the reader stop unsure if this is part of the line above or a new thought. And use punctuation wisely, as a tool to guide the reader when needed. The better the flow, the more enjoyable is the read. This piece is very good as it is, and you need not change a thing; but try my suggestions and see how it feels.

        I wonder: are you actually addressing another person — or yourself? It seems to me you are bucking up your own courage, but I could be wrong. It works either way. Nice work, my friend.
        FD

      • Thank you, Flatdaddy. I wholeheartedly agree with you. and I am speaking to myself (older me to younger me(

    • Nativity of Loss
      (I will always love you, my heart.)

      I read a poem that evoked a tear
      a single, trembling drop
      that spun me backward,
      into shadows of what was
      and the ever-present numbness
      of could-have-beens.

      25 days to go…
      The air tastes different now,
      heavier with memory,
      as the earth tilts toward the same cold light
      year a…Read More

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      3 Comments
      • A single trembling drop. that imagery is felt

        • Thank you…this really was a pouring out… a hard write for me.

        • Actually, two came out that day. and lots of tears… but something I needed to write. It’s been years, but some Christmases I’m a bit indifferent/melancholy… I will post the other as well.

    • Hello Me
      It has been a while
      You reached a plateau
      traveling many miles

      What you failed to do
      Is see what is occurring around you

      Or you’re choosing not
      Not to see
      Not to hear
      Not to “oh my” share??

      Me this can not be
      Your voice and thoughts need..need..

      To be set free
      Free from the confines
      Of societies vines…Read More

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      2 Comments
    • Profile picture of Fia Naturie

      Fia Naturie wrote a new post

      Hello Me

      Hello Me, It has been awhile You reached a plateau  traveling many miles   What you failed to do Is see what is occurring around you   Or you’re choosing not Not to see Not to hear Not to “oh my” share??   Me this can not be Your voice and thoughts need..need..   To...

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      9 Comments
      • I feel you on this lovely Fia I used to clam up like that when my kooky thoughts would come but I can’t hold them anymore…be yourself lady we will love you ❤️

      • Powerfully penned, Fia. Excellent write my friend. It feels like inner dialogue to me, you and your subconscious kinda vibe. Nicely done as always. I can relate.. Appreciate you, Cuz.

        Damian

      • These conversations with self are some of the best. I enjoyed the way this one wove the reader into it

        • Thank you willow. Yeah, sometimes sitting and just think things through of what happened or what should happen. Helps.

      • This is excellent. It had some rhyme and rhythm.
        Nothing felt forced at all.
        Great stream of consciousness amiga:)

      • Sometimes its necessary to pause, reflect and take inventory. I like the honesty because we do tend to lose sight for a while until we become more aware of ourselves.
        Nicely done.

    • The Multicolored Vision of an Impossible Insect

      April 23rd opens its eyes
      in multiple colors at once.
      Not a spectrum,
      not a rainbow,
      but a fractured prism
      held together by the trembling wings
      of an insect
      that should not exist
      and yet insists on doing so.

      This creature,
      half mosquito,
      half fly,
      half something else…Read More

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