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twofiftythree posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
bi-trillets attempt. this one wasn’t easy for me…never do well when rhymin is involved.
endless night confession
breathe in the black smoke, love feels like a joke
the nights we wasted tasted strange
cheap liquor kiss, dirty exchangeyou were my worst itch, struck like a kill switch
old barroom lungs in borrowed light
we swore we’…Read More![Profile Photo]()
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I wonder if we are readin the same poem. I really expected this one to get marked up with a red pen on all the places I went wrong. I appreciate your input and the lessons you’re providin. I’ll agree with you on fixin the rhyme so I’ll add the s to pain. but you’re gonna have to pry my lowercase letters and lack of punctuation from my cold dead ha…Read More
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Ha-hahhhh!
That’s a given, M’Friend, but I’ll never give-up on ya. 🤓
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twofiftythree posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
hopin to receive partial credit for late assignments…
swore under oath
rationality
face down hands cuffed to my tongue
heart screams alibi![Profile Photo]()
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Love it, Dru
Excellent, in every sense of the word: counts, directives, and intent in following in the spirit that one of the truly tangible facets of what the Senryu is meant to convey.
For me, your Senryu literally strives to express needed fervor for acceptance and the strife to be trusted and believed-in, even though the opposite may appear…Read More
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twofiftythree posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
for sake of the lesson I added punctuation…don’t get attached.
gravity slip
I stumble thru a world
that’s bent slightly outa focus
as if it were half dream,
half burn.
heat risin off my skin in waves
like quiet embers tryin
to decide if I’m worth ignitin.every breath feels wrong,
every step lands heavy,
gravity clawin up my s…Read More![Profile Photo]()
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![Profile picture of RICHARD "Rascal" JENKINS]()
Sheer brilliance, Syr 253
You’ve mastered the heatbeat techniques of Free Verse poetry: Imagery, deeply gripping emotion, metaphor, spot-on line-breaks, seamless enjambment, syntax; and, except for the distraction of missing “g’s”, your diction and spellbinding flow would be irresistibly captivating to the senses.
Also, your well-placed…Read More
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twofiftythree posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
ok…not a fan of haikus apparently. they’re harder than I thought. wrote a whole bunch wrong and had to start again. then my favorite involved a pond. I saw SeaCat’s and thought damnit…let’s not both write ponds. ultimately I realized I’d rather write a thousand sonnets than a single haiku. but I definitely learned somethin.
clouds file past t…Read More
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LOL!
Two ponds would be just fine, but I’m quite chuffed with this one, myself!
Now, that’s a splendid Haiku, 253.
Ditch “the” and replace it with something meaningful, like “gold moon” or some such and it’ll sparkle on the page
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twofiftythree posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
I said I don’t do this. poems that behave
that count their beats and beg to sound profound
but here I am the fool you couldn’t save
all rhyme and reason. love still hangin roundI hate this form. it’s polished. cold. confined
like scrubbin blood just so it stains again
I tell myself to leave your heart behind
but every line just drags…Read More![Profile Photo]()
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A brilliant submittal, Syr Dru
Congratulations on another successfully excellent effort in displaying such admirable skill in the true essence and grasp of that which is conveyed in these earnestly shared teaching sessions.
Your poetic potential is second to none … this piece is spot-on in every sense of the phrase: meter, poetic voice, i…Read More