November 3rd, I985
Today is my birthday. I woke up early this morning, and who should be outside first thing when I looked out my window? That old devil, the moon! Sure enough, in broad daylight. Maybe, it isn’t out to get me after all. Mom made me a moon pie for a birthday cake. I did find that strange. Is she screwing with me or what? I’ve taken the day off work to celebrate my birthday. I think I will go down to the plaza to see An American Werewolf in London. It’s held over from Halloween.

November 17th, 1985
Something weird happened today at work. I walked into the office, and my boss was standing by the water fountain. She saw me and said, “Hey, you need to get here, Lunar.” I went to my desk and thought to myself. Why the hell did she call me Lunar? Do I look like the moon? What is going on in this office? Has everyone turned into lunatics? I want some blue cheese damn it.
I decided to approach her. “Lucy, why did you refer to me as Lunar? She got this strange look on her face and said, “What are you talking about?” I said, “Just now, when I came in, you said, ‘You need to get here, Lunar.’ “No, I didn’t,” She replied. “I said, you need to get here sooner.” She scowled and walked off to her office. I went and sat down at my desk. I know what I heard. That bitch is crazy.

February 13th, 1987
The moon told me to quit my job so that we could spend more time together. The moon is very, very smart. I think it trusts me, because it tells me secrets. It said the sun is jealous of him because it likes the nighttime better. 

January 43rd, 1724 
Sam (the moon’s real name) told me to ask my mom for a bigger mattress here in the basement, so that when he gets up in the morning, he has a place to nap. We are becoming quite good pals. I’ve tried to look for a job, but no one is hiring, which works out great, because I am very busy with my new friend. My Mom pesters me constantly. I think she needs a nursing home; she is becoming quite batty.

June 22nd, 1986
I spent some time in the hospital. I feel much better now. Mom and I are getting along, and I am taking medicine again. Something strange happened the other day, though. I was pretty pasty from my hospital stay, so I decided to go to the beach and get some sun. Well, I’ll be damned if I didn’t get burned. It hurt badly, and then I remembered my old friend, the moon. I wonder if he is jealous. I will have to make amends. That is what pals do.

July 3rd, 1986
Tomorrow is the big day. I got some fireworks. The plan is to grill out with my mother. It should be fun. We are having hot dogs, watermelon, and potato salad. The medicine was making me sick, so I stopped taking it. I haven’t noticed much difference. But the moon is back in full force. My good old friend Sam. We play hide and seek late into the night. His favorite place to hide is behind oak trees and dark clouds. I always know where he is, but I pretend I don’t. It makes him happy. He is quite sensitive.

September 93rd, 1927
I got fired from my latest job. I’ve gone through a slew of them lately.  I started evaluating my friendship with Sammy, as I call him now, and I thought, everyone today is so electronically minded.  No one writes letters anymore. So, when the mailman came into my last place of employment, I approached him and asked, “Do people like getting letters?”  He replied that they did, especially better than bills. That made sense, and he seemed kind, so I said, “I would like Sammy’s address, I’m pretty sure he would appreciate a letter from me, especially around harvest time”. He didn’t glance up from his mail sack, but asked me what Sammy’s last name was. I told him that I’m pretty sure it was Moon. He reminded me that we live in a very small town and that he didn’t know of any Sammy Moon. He asked if I was sure that he lived here. I said, “Oh, no! He doesn’t live in Saltzburg, he lives everywhere, but I’m hoping you have a mailing address where he gets packages and mail.” Bart, the mailman, looked perplexed. “Have you ever sent him a letter?” He asked. “No, I’ve never known his exact address. He usually just hovers over my backyard, and we talk that way for hours.” Bart smiled and took a few steps backward. He knew I wasn’t joking. I wasn’t smiling. He mumbled something; I didn’t catch it, but he walked straight to my boss’s office and shut the door. They looked deep in conversation, but there were several bursts of laughter. He opened the door and scurried off, without giving me Sammy’s address. Well, I didn’t know what kind of shenanigans he was up to, but I chased after him. He was a few yards ahead of me and I yelled, “He is my fucking friend, you bastard, give me his address.” I don’t usually cuss, but I was so mad. Mad, mad, mad. What right did he have to keep me from sending a letter to my friend? I fell around Vine Street and gave up the chase. When I got back to the office, my boss said, “I am going to have to let you go.” She was very nice about it.

Auguky 104th, The year of the moon.
Could it be I’m going a little daffy in the head? Could it be, the moon isn’t my friend at all, but my enemy? Could it be that my mother is long overdue for the nursing home? Would I feel better upstairs if I moved my mom into the old folks’ home, or am I safer down here where there is only one window for Sammy to spy on me? I’ve got it, I will blow up the moon. We are always so worried about Russia and China, and Texas. The real threat is the moon. Could it be planning a lunar eclipse, just imagine the damage that would do. That son of a bitch must be stopped, and I’m just the man to do it. After all, we were intimate twice.

?8?8?xxoxo
The planning is going well. I have six bottle rockets, four firecrackers, 12 gallons of gas, and half a stick of dynamite. I also borrowed 17 of my mother’s nitroglycerine tablets. I will fix that smug bastard yet. I went upstairs to get something to eat, and Mom asked me what I was doing down there. I said, “Pack your bags, I’m going to take you on a trip to the country.” She told me to shut up and stop tormenting her. She doesn’t realize it, but she is THIS CLOSE to going to the home.

Yesterday
I woke up this morning with a twinge of sadness. We did, after all, have some good times. I feel sentimental. There is a strong smell of diesel fuel in the house, and it makes me sad. It reminds me of goodbyes at the bus station when I used to go visit my dad on the farm. I will not be dictated to by my emotions. This must be done for the good of the human race and the animal kingdom. Speaking of animals, I found a rat trapped in an old mason jar down here. I named him Sammy two. He smiles at me a lot and has shaving cream on his mouth. He is comical.

0000000000 Doomsday
I gathered all the explosives up and put them in the front yard. I slipped mom some sleeping pills so that she wouldn’t interfere with my plot. I wonder what life will be like without my friend/nemesis? Too late to worry about that now. The devil’s in the details. I have brought Sammy two out to watch. But he appears to be sleeping. He sleeps like a rock, but he still has that smile on his silly face. Oh great, the neighbors are starting to gather on their porches. I try to ignore them, but some of them are walking this way. I don’t trust any of them, except for Mr. Elwood. He has talked about the man on the moon before, but everyone knows that is fiction. He is harmless enough, though. I smile and wave. They wave back. I sit down and wait. Sammy Two, in one of his more lucid moments, said to do it at precisely midnight. Something about the witching hour. Sammy Two is very bright. I go over my mental checklist. Could it be that I forgot something? I don’t think so, but I ran back inside to check. Mother isn’t asleep, which is concerning. I ask if she wants to go for a drive, and she hurries off to her bedroom. The night was chilly, and I grabbed my jacket and ran back outside. I paced impatiently and sweated profusely. I didn’t want to get caught. I wonder what will happen to me. I suppose they would charge me with murder. They would take me to the gallows. I would swing for sure. Poor mom, she would be so sad. I must do it, though. The moon is evil, I’m almost sure of it. Almost all the neighbors are outside now. Some look very nervous. Just then, I noticed three police cars coming around the block. Imagine my surprise when they stopped in front of my house. I yelled, “What do you want?”, but they didn’t hear me or care to answer. I’m writing this in the past tense, but it’s happening now. I’m not afraid.