Will Just Have To Wait

Carmyn

The names Carmyn, Carmyn Reynolds. After I graduated high school, I packed all of my shit and got the hell out of Cape May, New Jersey and into the city without so much as a single plan.
My parents begged me to stay, but they wanted me to be something that I couldn’t. I’m not a good girl, college isn’t for me. I didn’t want to go to college and chase after a degree that I probably would never use.
My mother had a plan for me, go to college, meet the “love of my life”, finish college, settle down with said “love of my life” have kids, and be a stay at home mom. Y’know? The works.

Quiet.

Safe.

Easy.

Shame for her though, the quiet life no longer suited me. And quite frankly, the quiet and I never got along too well. My papa secretly wanted me to be happy, but my ma has him by the balls. So he does and says things to make her happy.
The night I snuck out of my parent’s house, he waited for me at my car, knowing there was no changing my mind. He handed me an envelope as I approached him. Peeking inside, I can see crisp one hundred dollar bills.
My eyes well with tears as I shake my head no, preparing to tell him I can’t accept it. He pulls me into his arms and hugs me, I wrap my arms around my papa and inhale his scent. Bourbon, and mint envelop me. With a kiss on the top of my head, he turns to open my door and ushers me inside. “Before your ma comes out here and kills us both.” He says, with unshed tears in his eyes as well.
He had this look in his eyes, not anger, nor sympathy. But pride. My papa was proud of me, even though I was terrified, of course I couldn’t show him that.
He’s also a man of few words, so that meant everything. “I love you, papa.” I say through a choked sob. “I love you too, kid. Be safe.” He replies and closes my door, watching me back out of the driveway to the house I grew up in all my life. Not knowing it would be the last time I’d see my papa again.

Three years have gone by, and I’ve somewhat settled into my adult life. I have a nice apartment that I could actually afford on a baristas wage. Thank God for the tips anyway, it’s my saving grace. The city life is nice, it’s bustling and busy. Today at “Cuppa Joe’s” the cafe I work at is pretty busy. We are a server down, so not only am I on bar, I’m also giving the servers a hand, as is my boss, Marcella. The bell chimes at the door, signaling that new customers have arrived. I greet them over my shoulder as I wipe down a table, my back towards them.
“Hi welcome to Cuppa Joe’s, sit anywhere that’s clean and I’ll be right with you!” I hear feet shuffling behind me as they make their way to the vacant table by the window. I finish my task and head over to them. I am met with the deepest, dangerous and most gorgeous set of green eyes with the most thick, full lashes that I have ever seen. I fumble with my apron, instantly feeling nervous. Blushing, I say, “Hey, Hi— I uh, I’m Carmyn, your server for the day, what can I get for you?” I hear a guffaw from the left. I hadn’t even realized anyone else was there. I turn my head to face the blonde sitting next to Mr. Green Eyes and my brows furrow. “I’m sorry, is something the matter?”
She rolls her eyes, and my blood heats. Great, typical privileged mean girl behavior. After the last debacle with a customer like this, I promised Marcella that I’d be on my best behavior. So, instead of saying what I want to say, I smile and start over. “Hi, I’m Carmyn, your server for the day, what would you like?” She sits forward, with ferocity in her gaze and a smile as equally as ferocious, “I’d like you to stop eye fucking my fiancé, take our order, and do your job.” She says, voice dripping with malice.

Oh. This is how we’re going to play it then. I look over to Mr. Green Eyes, who isn’t paying either of us the slightest bit of attention. His eyes are locked to his phone screen while he types away. Clearly too busy to control his bitch-of-a-fiancée. Fine. I tried, I really did. I’m sorry Marcella but I won’t tolerate this shit. I smile again, this time, my smile is sinister, putting her earlier one to shame. “Look lady, whatever your problem is, it isn’t with me. If you’re worried about someone “eye fucking your fiancé” I use my fingers for air quotes, “then clearly you’ve got either abandonment issues, or you’re really insecure, which again, isn’t my problem. Either way, it’s no excuse to be such a bitch!” I say.
This causes Mr. Green Eyes’ gaze to snap from his phone, looking at me with what, admiration in his eyes? I storm off, away from the table and run into Marcella before even realizing she was there. Oh no. Not. Good. Did she hear all of that? By her facial expression, I am certain that she did. “Mar, I—“ I start, she shakes her head. “Office. Now.” She says. With one last look at Mr. Green Eyes, who is now intensely watching me, and the bitch herself, with a smirk on her face also watching me. I drop my head, and walk the walk of shame to Mar’s office.

After some yelling from Mar, and me trying to explain my side of the story to her. She ends it with, “Look kid, I like you, I’ve liked you from the start, you’re a hell of a barista, you’ve got great work ethic. But I can’t have you calling our guests bitches, no matter how much of a bitch they are. The right thing to do, would have been to come and get me. I’ve warned you once already, after the last incident, that you were on your final warning. Now, I have no choice but to let you go. Don’t take it personally kid, it’s just business.”She says softly. I understand, truly, I do. I fucked up and this is my punishment. Me and my big mouth and hot temper. “But Mar, please I—“ I say, she holds her hand up, stopping me. “I understand.” I say quietly, “It’s just business.” I add. I place my apron on her desk, and walk out of her office.

All eyes are on me, when I step out of the office. Saraiah, one of the servers and one of the first friends I’ve made here since coming to Camden runs up to me. “Did Mar let you slide?” She asks, her voice hopeful. I shake my head no, unable to speak. “There was a guy here that figured that would happen. He gave me his card to give to you, says if you are in need of a job to give him a call.” She says. I take the card from her and read it,

“Tana del Misteriosos” Nightclub

Lachlan Knight

856-555-0791

We hug as we say our “see you laters” and I’m out the door. Once I’m in my car, tears well in my eyes out of frustration and anger. I have given this place my all for the past three years and now, I have nothing. As if he knew something was going on, my papa’s face lights up on my screen. I answer the call, “Hi papa, I was going to call you later when I got off of work.” I say, but the other end of the line is silent. Eerily silent. “Hello? Papa?” I ask, my stomach growing tight. “It’s me, Carmyn.” The voice on the other end finally says sounding sullen. “Ma? What’s going on, where is pa—“ I start but she cuts me off. “Your father is gone.” She responds flatly. “Gone? What do you mean gone? Where did he go?” I ask, incredulous. She sighs, “Gone as in dead, gone as in he’s not coming back! Gone as in you left him he—“ I hang up, not letting her finish. I throw my keys in the ignition and drive that hour and a half drive, speeding and praying the entire way. Papa’s gone? He can’t be. This is just another one of mom’s tactics to get me to come back home. Well she has taken it too far this time. She will pay for this.

I make it to my parent’s house in record time, throwing my car into park not even shutting off the engine before I’m running to the front door. My ma stands at the entrance and I brush past her, “Where is he? I want to see him!” I demand, tears filling my eyes. Ma looks at me, unshed tears brimming her hazel eyes. “Follow me.” She says, walking toward the back of the house in the direction of my old room. When we reach the threshold to my old room my lungs deflate, feeling as if I’ve lost all of my breath. Laying there in a hospital like bed, is my papa. He’s being unhooked from machines by nurses who I assume are from hospice care. He looks frail, and nothing like the man I’ve always known my papa to be. His once tanned skin, is now pasty white. His once full head of hair now clean shaven with a little hair that tried to grow back. His once chiseled jaw, is now sunken in. I fall to my knees and the world becomes still as I try to regulate my breathing. My papa, he’s dead.

The nurses begin to take their leave, pulling their equipment with them, equipment that was used to help keep my papa alive. On their way out of the door, one of the nurses, with a name tag stating she is Giselle kneels in front of me and hugs me. With a soft voice she says, “Carmyn, you are all he talked about. He loved you so much, until his last breath. Take that as peace in knowing that he was proud of you, no matter what.” With that, she gets up, looks at my mother and in that same comforting tone she says, “You have my condolences. We will give you two time with him before the coroner is here.” And walks away. It feels so final, I don’t want to see my papa like this. He had so much more life to live, he was only fifty years old. After sitting there a beat, I feel soft hands on my shoulders, urging me to get up. I look up at my ma, who holds my gaze with pleading eyes. “We have to face this, kid. But I’m glad we are here together.” She says, a smile tilting her lips. I nod and smile back, “Together.” I reply through choked sobs. We walk hand in hand to my papa’s bed side, where ma kisses his forehead and whispers in his ear, and it feels as if a fist has gripped my heart. They truly did love each other, I’ve witnessed it all my life. Papa was my best friend, it was always him and me against ma. She never said anything about it, I think she secretly loved our bond even if it meant that I didn’t have one with her. And now, all we have are each other. I go around to the other side of the bed, kiss my papa’s cheek, with tears rolling down my own. I whisper, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here, papa. I’m so sorry that I didn’t know what you were going through. I love you so much, and I am going to continue to make you proud.”
I know in my heart, I’m going to be home in Cape May for a while. To help ma with funeral arrangements, and for overall support, she just lost her husband, and I just lost my father. Camden and a new job will just have to wait.

Coming soon: Chapter Two — Lachlan (Hurt You So Good)