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twofiftythree posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
for sake of the lesson I added punctuation…don’t get attached.
gravity slip
I stumble thru a world
that’s bent slightly outa focus
as if it were half dream,
half burn.
heat risin off my skin in waves
like quiet embers tryin
to decide if I’m worth ignitin.every breath feels wrong,
every step lands heavy,
gravity clawin up my s…Read More -
Fia Naturie posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
This is my Free verse
Do you hear the sun?
As the rays beat down on the ground,
It is subtle but poignant
It’s purpose is to burn.
The exquisite heat,
does not match the coolness in your eyesDo you smell the wind?
Multicolored in its complexity
Surrounds you,
Invades your very core.
It gives you life.
Then withdraws to take your b…Read More-
Beautifully imagined, Fia, an excellent effort!
Deserves a VERY strong title!ISSUES TO CONSIDER:
1. Unnecessarily Capitalizing every line, which tends to confuse when one complete line, thought, etc; begins or ends, effectively stumbling the flow, attention, and overall magical smoothness of a poem’s captive spell.
2. Poetic voice … how a poe…Read More -
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Fia Naturie wrote a new post
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Damian DeadLove wrote a new post
15 Comments-
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It reads like an anthem for introverts. Society doesn’t like us much. They don’t like nuance & complication. We often find ourselves at the mercy of the abuser without even playing the game. They want easy, straightforward answers and guaranteed results, but like Kierkegaard said, “the crowd is untruth”.
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It’s a damn shame this one didn’t get its voice. I can hear it in my head. It’s powerful. You going to give it an album slot? Hint…hint… Seriously though, this is a fantastic piece. Going in my list, my friend!
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Thanks so much for reading and your kind words, Willow. So glad you connected with the write. It’s one of the few that did get music my friend. It appeared on a demo, along with a couple of other songs I’m a part of. It was kinda my fifteen minutes of fame on the local scene. I got to see the crowd at shows react to those songs, it was a rush like no other. It’s special to me without a doubt. I even had one song I was part of that was a live favorite, meaning the people called it out by name wanting it to be played. I literally had to pinch myself. lol. There were good moments admits the dysfunction. Appreciate you.
Damian
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You did an exceptional work here, You’ve expressed emotionally and psychically what abuse is, another lines that caught my attention,
“i am judged for their crimes
captive in a cell called resent”It’s when we get above our victim character we forive and we are free, we don’t forgive for them, we forgive for ourselves, for us living a life we deserve. Yet, some people don’t understand that this process doesn’t end in one day or two! and even many of those who were under abuse may spend their whole life without completely recover, and You see some people judge their actions, behaviors, way of living… etc putting more pressure on their emotional state making them shrink more into their own safety bubble. They don’t recognize the amount of work these persons have been doing to overcome their pains and hurt… then You see someone throw a silly ignorant word/s making things worse, like You are being the criminal instead of the victim.
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Thanks so much for reading and your kind words, Light. So glad you connected with the write my friend. That was one of my favorite lines as well. It’s a process for sure not something that can be solved in a day or two. Healing one’s self doesn’t have a set amount of time to complete the process. Often times it’s ongoing through the remainder of a persons life. Depends on how deep the scars are. I concur with your wonderful commentary. Appreciate you.
Damian
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Drieks wrote a new post
9 Comments-
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“We clone our fears
Copy-paste the pain
Pouring out the doubts like drops of rain
Lessened by the scars we quietly bear
Weakened by the reasoning we wouldn’t dare”Powerfully penned, Drieks. Excellent lyrics my friend, that verse I quoted, is so raw and authentic. Amazing arrangement that enhances these amazing words. I’m a fan. Appreciate you.
Damian
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The lyrics and voice breathe in that space between hope and desolation, where very few are self-aware enough to tread. A glittered gift you possess. May I ask of your music influences? Without music the world dies.
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Thank you Ghosteen! I couldn’t agree more! Music is a necessity.
We need water, food, oxygen, love and music!
My music influences are very broad. For this particulair piece i’d say Sia was the main influence.
In general, my influences come from pop, hip-hop, dance, rock, EDM and propably some more i can’t think of right now haha.-
Listen to some Nick Cave, Mazzy Star and the Cocteau Twins. If you can replicate the latter’s incomprehensible & ethereal voice & lyrics, I shall make a donation to an animal and children’s charity. Keep on keeping on. “Life imitates art far more than art imitates life.” As some bloke called Wilde once scribbled. Respect – not in the way uttered by a gangsta’ rapper. Not my thang. But genuine, UK respect.
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This song hits me differently when I feel so tired and head is pounding from the beginnings of a migraine. Its like I can feel
this line “Oh the shadows speak when the lights go dim, Invisible projections crawl from within”
This is a great write
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Sheer brilliance, Syr 253
You’ve mastered the heatbeat techniques of Free Verse poetry: Imagery, deeply gripping emotion, metaphor, spot-on line-breaks, seamless enjambment, syntax; and, except for the distraction of missing “g’s”, your diction and spellbinding flow would be irresistibly captivating to the senses.
Also, your well-placed…Read More