-
twofiftythree posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
for sake of the lesson I added punctuation…don’t get attached.
gravity slip
I stumble thru a world
that’s bent slightly outa focus
as if it were half dream,
half burn.
heat risin off my skin in waves
like quiet embers tryin
to decide if I’m worth ignitin.every breath feels wrong,
every step lands heavy,
gravity clawin up my spine,
light grinds into my throat,
slips under my ribs,
cuttin slow,
darin me to stop.I walk anyway.
the sky drapes itself across my shoulders,
blue stretched thin and tremblin,.
like it’s afraid I might rip thru it again
wind forces its way into my lungs,
wakin embers I left for dead.
embers that still answer,
faithful as a servant
to my name.the ground shifts without warnin.
the world tilts sideways
like it’s tryin to lift me off my feet.
gravity unhooks
deep in my spine.
there’s a breath,
barely a second,
where the air goes bright
and I swear
I feel myself brightenin with it.and then the drop.
always the drop.my hands return first.
those traitor creators of sound,
those makers of chords and noise
now tremblin like loose strings.
my knees crack,
my heart misfires,
and my body folds inward
as the light drains out,
leavin a thin line of heat
hidin under my ribs,
proof that anythin divine
never leaves
without takin somethin with it.I push forward,
draggin whatever’s left of me
thru heat and silence.
there’s no map for this shit
no clean line
between what burns
and what’s already dust,
just a world that shifts
every time I move,
answerin back with more fire.some pieces of me lift,
some collapse,
every burn,
every spark,
every fuckin piece that refuses
to be smothered.
whether I want them or not,
all of them are mine .
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our father who art in Mar-a-lago
- April 13, 2026

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- April 4, 2026
Sheer brilliance, Syr 253
You’ve mastered the heatbeat techniques of Free Verse poetry: Imagery, deeply gripping emotion, metaphor, spot-on line-breaks, seamless enjambment, syntax; and, except for the distraction of missing “g’s”, your diction and spellbinding flow would be irresistibly captivating to the senses.
Also, your well-placed punctiuaton makes for a less ambiguous, far more enjoyable, and easier read. Love the title, too.
Of course, sans proper capitaliation, though impressive, is a weak presentation that falls short of the truly completed, powerfully presented literary masterpiece it well deserves to, and otherwise, could be.
In conclusion (in my mind’s-eye), your potential rises well above the norm … and, just polishing the few remaing facets would easily put it there.
I hope you’ve come away with something of value from my sincere critique, and I thank you genuinely, 253, for participating with us in this Free Verse lesson, and allowing an open commentary on your work we all can learn so much from.
See ya next lesson, Wednesday the 19th, on the Japanese SENRYU ⁓ Richard