EDITING GUIDE:
1. “changes or additions”
2. (deletes)
3. [edit explanations]
4. A dot is used only where the site’s formatting will not allow free spaces.
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This is my Magic of Poetic Voice submission
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The Beast Confession
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·Confessions are made to come from the heart
To make you feel the weight of it
Whether is it good or bad from the start
I need you to sit and understand me a bit
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I wandered into a space without time
Alone with “all” my “thought”
Never hoping that someone could be mine
Understanding what fate had bought
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It started out as a pin prick in the dark
I cohabitate in the night
The light you’ve given me starts to spark
Why does it have to be so bright
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I turned (giving you) my back so you could not see
The monstrosity I have become
I was cursed to live an eternity
In (the) darkness away from the sun
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I feel (the) “sharp” eyes of hope land on my skin
Like knives finding “their” mark
You insist (that) I must take, “but then”
I “don’t” (not) want to pull you into my dark
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Tender “though” (as) a hand could be
I fear what you promise
“All that’s underneath” “can you see” [reversed syntax to rhyme w/be]
I need you to be honest
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You look into my soul
As you proceed to come near
You make me lose all control
I can’t even breath the very air
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Tender lips placed on mine
I fear I may bite
The ticking of a clock then the chime
You cleared my “darkened” plight.
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A single tear fell from “beauty’s” eye
Tearing away all my resolve
I confess to you this day on “a high” [to rhyme w/eye]
“You’ve” replaced my dark with your love
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Gosh, Fia! 🤓
Your writing really show great promise with a broad range of mastery potential, and you’re able to grasp and follow these different, sometimes complex, sessions quite well, too.
Magical Poetic Voice, indeed … this is creatively captivating, gorgeously rendered poetry, filled to the brim, overflowing with a broad range of imagery, original metaphor, uniquely phrased diction, smooth as silk syntax, strong emotion, and good rhyme structure (see NOTES below),
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NOTES TO KEEP IN MIND:
1. Be more creative in avoiding false and weak rhymes.
2. Use as few meaningless “the”, “and”, “or” filler words as possible – use poetic descriptives instead.
3. For a bit smoother rhythm, work on keeping lines closer to the same length … at least within 2-3 syllables of each other.
$. For a more finely polished work of art and easier understanding, consider using punctuation and proper Capitalization.
6. Always remember, “It’s impossible to improve without change/while staying the same.”
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Thank you, Fia, so very much for making teaching such an enjoyably worthwhile, rewarding experience! ⁓ Richard : )