When No One Is Looking

Who are you? When no one is looking? When the world is asleep, and everyone is tucked in?

Who am I? When you think about it, it’s a rather broad question.
The answers are deep and dark; Like an abyss, that could turn this into a therapy session.

But since you asked,
I’m not some pretty little fragile thing, that comes wrapped up in a bow.
I’m more along the lines of, the sharp corner edge of a table…you know, the one that you avoid in the dark so you don’t stub your toe.

And I say that because truly, you should avoid me.
I’m beyond fucked up. So much that I should come with a warning and a self destruct button.
It’s easy for me to hate someone, as easy as it is for me to love em’
I’m riddled with trauma and fear, with self hate, and self doubt.
But I’d never purposely let someone in, just to turn around and push them back out.

Who Am I when the lights are low you ask?
Simply put, I’m a m e s s.
I can’t go one day of my pathetic life, without worry or without stress.
I fret about everything, both in and out of my control.
I warned you that it gets dark here.
This shit really takes a toll.

I guess at least I’m never lonely,
because depression brought a friend.
Anxiety is the real star.
When he’s here, the party just begins.

Who am I when no one is looking?
I’m not even quite sure,
because even when they are looking,
I’m too busy with myself waging a war. 

– Poetic Gawdess