she said she fucked the devil
that’s how I was born
not a child
a curse in her belly
a scream she couldn’t silence
she swore she saw it in my eyes
too blue
too sharp
not human
broken glass lodged in flesh
somethin already cuttin her
bleedin out her soul
she swore
that I was dangerous
I manipulated her with my cries
and I refused to drown
so she left me with my father
throwin back the creature
she wished she’d never touched
to let his rage finish the work
she didn’t want to
then came the angel
she carried his son
same blue eyes
almost exact
but she called them radiant
holy
heaven’s proof
said he carried light
where I carried nothin but ruin
the angel left her
back to heaven she claimed
so she stuffed their son’s pockets
called it purpose
called it divine
let him stumble under it
til he broke
his blood a container
for her sickness
we carried her gospel in our bodies
I was raised in fists
shaped into a weapon
marked demon
before I could speak
he was turned into freight
a glowin altar
for her ruin
told burdens are of god
both meat hung on hooks
we learned that love
has sharp edges
family meant destruction
survival was just another name
for bein gutted alive
she swore devils and angels
were the reason she couldn’t love
the reason she couldn’t stay
but it was just her
violent
empty
too cowardly to admit it
and those same blue eyes
damned in me
sanctified in him
where the devil never left
and the angel never saved
and only curses remained
starin back from the mirror
cold
unblinkin
F’ing amazing.
I feel for the pain you carry, the burden and sins/burdens of others.
We have a lot of similarities.
I was born with a purpose, to fulfill something for my mother. She realized when I was an infant that it wasn’t what she wanted. Long, sordid tale for another time.
Your writing sparks a fire, an energy, in those who relate.
much appreciated
hello dearest poet I don’t know why people are so cruel especially a mother me I didn’t have one who stuck around as for God Jacob have I loved and Esau has he hated even while in the womb why who knows… great write 💕
thank you crimsin
This left me with so many emotions. Breathless because I was holding it when I read it
Tears because I understand how being the first is not always being the best. Just a trial run
Angry…don’t be a fucking mother if you can not handle the life you brought in to the World
Powerfully penned, Ambjr. This is an onslaught on all the senses, felt these venom soaked words in my bloodstream my friend. Fucking ferocious write. Appreciate you.
Damian