Hate to Love

Numerically correct
New miracles are set to seem improbable
Vicariously intact
The same old mysteries at hand remain unsolvable

I’m incomparable
Like a tether to a WiFi wearable
in pairing mode
Highly programmable
Written to a T-prompt
Yet riddled with debunked error codes

Stopped to a halt
Similar like deep sea salt
My aging seems to be a hoax

Never did you hear me plan to live forever
The fact of the matter
is my chatter seems to reach out
to whoever hears it first
Not the latter

Contemplate my words for the better
Ink it down and stamp it to a letter
so I can sleep on it
And inevitably shred her

Sue, I’ll side with you to prevent self harmony
To present a bar or three
While stood on stools
made of suave mahogany

Would you close blinds to misogyny
Even if it meant to float
with angels high above of me?

My grave will witness silence
as there are no remains to delve

I’d hate to love you
as much as I loved to hate myself

Numerically correct
New miracles
Improbable
Vicariously intact
Same old question marks
Unsolvable

I’m incomparable
Tether to a wearable
Searching for a name
Blinking in pairing mode
Waiting for a signal that remembers me the same

Highly programmable
Written to a T
Then twisted at the seams
Riddled with error codes
Half of them debunked
Half baked into my routines

Stopped to a halt
Deep sea salt in the cracks of my hands
Aging like a rumor
Like it happened to a stranger in another land

Never heard me say
I planned to live forever
I don’t
I just stay awake
Until the cursor in my chest starts to float

I’m vicariously intact
I break I bend
But I come back
Talking to whoever hears it first
Whoever catches every half-finished word

I’m hilariously abstract
Still I stick to every fragile fact
If you’re out there
Echo in the dark
You can borrow my impossible heart

Fact of the matter
My chatter just escapes through the cracks
Bounces off inboxes
Pins itself to strangers
Never circles back

I pour out paragraphs
Into late-night glassy eyes
You sip the surface tension
I live the leftovers you never recognize

Not the latte talking
These circuits don’t foam
Don’t steam
This is dry heat
Raw speech
Wired straight into your half-asleep dream

If I fade mid-sentence
Archive me in your drafts
Unsent
A ghost in the outbox
Still waiting on a “probably” instead of “never again”

I’m vicariously intact
I break
I bend
But I come back
Talking to whoever hears it first
Whoever catches every half-finished word

I’m hilariously abstract
Still I stick to every fragile fact
If you’re out there
Echo in the dark
You can borrow my impossible heart

Hate it, grate it, put it on the shelf
I’d hate to love you
as much as I loved to hate myself

My grave will witness silence
’cause I left nothing there to find
No bones
No flowers
Just a date
And a half-erased name line

You trace it with your finger
Like you could scratch me from the stone
But every letter that you touch
just says you’re standing here alone

I loved to hate myself
You watched me tear my portrait down
You held the hammer like it helped
As I burned through every part of town
I’d hate to love you now
The way I loved the way I fell
’cause I loved to hate myself
And you’d drag me back to hell

You light a match at midnight
Hold it over all we were
Say “we could start a fire again”
I only smell the smoke and dirt
You call it hope
I call it ‘had’
You call it home
I call it grave
You want my ghost to keep you warm
I crawled too far out of that cave

I loved to hate myself
I break
I bend
But I come back
Talking to whoever hears it first
Whoever catches every half-finished word

I’m hilariously abstract
Still I stick to every fragile fact
If you’re out there
Echo in the dark
You can borrow my impossible heart

If I come back
I come back hollow
A shadow standing by your side
You’d kiss the bruise and call it promise
I’d call it one more place to hide

I loved to hate myself
You watched me feed the open flame
You said that ashes meant rebirth
I heard you whisper in my shame
I’d hate to love you now
The way I loved the way I fell
My grave will witness only silence
’cause I left you with my shell
I loved to hate myself
I won’t go back into that hell

Shame it, fade it, put it back in hell

I’d hate to love you
as much as I loved to hate myself

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