A Song To Myself
“just let it be, let it go
why don’t you be you
and I’ll be me….” James Bay
A December moon
rose with bitterness,
a sea of white
covered the meadow
and trees down by Willow Creek.
Tahecapsun Wi’s beams
blustered with winds of loneliness,
despair
and the ache of longing.
Sadness could also be found
in these cold winds
blowing across my face;
too much loss
and death
these days
of less sunlight.
We were supposed to last,
a lifetime of sharing,
this is what you said
the last time I saw you
(your Shalimar scent lingers still)
those many years ago.
Yet, “goodbye”
fell from your lips
pushing me into the abyss
of shadow’s void.
This Winter moon,
Tahecapsun Wi,
has followed me
for a long time now.
My jeans, faded, torn,
flannel shirt dull and frayed,
with elbows gone,
these moccasins
caked with dusty memories;
yet, your presence lingers,
your red hair
waves at me in the wind,
and the taste of you
haunts my tongue.
As I gaze out from these shadows,
remembering,
December’s moonbeams
drive me once again
into the madness of you.
See, I still write you poetry
long after you’ve gone.
Aztec Warrior/redzone 12.4.19
This is so beautiful. You still write to her.
Yes, I still write. When we first met back in college, I began writing her love poems. One of her girlfriends asked me if I would always write her poetry and I told her and the woman I would marry, “I will always write you poetry”. But I stopped, “life” was my excuse. We did not last (5 years total), not because of the poetry, but we began to see life differently and she got a boyfriend instead of us trying to fix things. But, always writing her poetry became a metaphor for my mistakes in our relationship, the things that I did wrong and contributed to our splitting up. I was more the “typical man” and had to learn the hard way to consciously give that shit up. I have believed that it has been this learning process about patriarchy that has made me more humane and a better human being. So yes, I still write her poetry because I never want to forget and want to continue seeing women with mutual respect and equality, as full human beings. Thank you Fia for reading and your kind words.