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![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
Fia Naturie wrote a new post
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Read MoreSeveral weeks at sea and no flower as yet. The crew was still in high spirits due to the captain’s demeanor Vivian suspects. She has been watching him since the day they set sail. The way he treats his crew...
4 Comments-
![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
Thank you and I appreciate your comments.
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![Profile picture of DampKitten]()
Love what you’re doing, girl. Honestly, this feels much older than the 40’s to me. Darrius feels somehow like a pirate, and Vivian his captive. Of course, she isn’t a prisoner. Or is she? This is intentional.
And Darrius is such an egotistical SOB. What guy tells a woman that everyone on board can see her intentions? That’s a guy who is overly confident, a guy who wants to make things more difficult for himself, who creates a challenge from a gift.,
Love the dialogue. There’s limited description and imagery here, which is actually where you might more specifically date the scene as if that really mattered. My one suggestion would be backing off spoon feeding your reader about the thoughts and feelings of your characters. Let them act it out, and we can all come to our own conclusions.
You’ve got a lot to cover in two more chapters. The centerpiece of this mysterious journey has yet to be exposed. What would be the purpose of searching out a flower under the urgent circumstance of war?
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![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
I will take your suggestion to consideration. Enjoying your take on this.
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![Profile picture of Knight]()
Knight wrote a new post
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Read MoreThose who make the laws Seldom abide by them Those who call for war Fight them from the boardroom Those who pick the crops Are the hungriest of all Those who write the news Believe nothing
6 Comments-
![Profile picture of Thomas W. Case]()
Right on. Excellent.
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![Profile picture of Knight]()
Thanks.
Years of rewrites.
Regards James
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![Profile picture of Backdeckbenny (Peter)]()
My thoughts exactly….nicely done.
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![Profile picture of Knight]()
Thanks
I believe my words
Regards James
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![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
Well said.
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![Profile picture of Knight]()
Thanks
I found this in an old file of poems I wrote years ago.
Regards
James
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![Profile picture of S. Libellule]()
S. Libellule wrote a new post
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Read MoreIt remains so hard to then hedge,when you live here on the edge—live on the cusp of life and death,separated by only a single breath. Peering down from this height,within a dark and endless night—a never-ending sea of black ink,here,...
3 Comments-
![Profile picture of Thomas W. Case]()
Tremendous work. Powerful and poignant.
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![Profile picture of Damian DeadLove]()
Beautifully penned, LDF. Incredible write my friend. Appreciate you.
Damian
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![Profile picture of Cipher]()
Hey LDF…
I was thinking about this piece…
I decided the punctuation tightens the write up…
Very nicely done…
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![Profile picture of Backdeckbenny (Peter)]()
Brilliant..gold stars for you
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
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![Profile picture of Pinkdreams]()
Thank you! I value your opinion, so this means a lot to me.
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![Profile picture of Thomas W. Case]()
Powerful. You bring this to life.
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![Profile picture of Pinkdreams]()
Thank you! Much appreciated.
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![Profile picture of thoughtsdie]()
So many parts missing
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![Profile picture of Crimsin]()
hello dearest poet yes sadly thank you 💕
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![Profile picture of Damian DeadLove]()
Powerfully penned, Brenda. Thanks for sharing my friend. Appreciate you.
Damian
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![Profile picture of Crimsin]()
hello dearest Damian good afternoon thank you for reading and leaving a kind comment 💕
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![Profile picture of Thomas W. Case]()
Superb work.
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![Profile picture of Crimsin]()
hello dearest Thomas good afternoon thank you graciously for reading and commenting 💕
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Brilliantly penned, Fia. Love this story my friend, the dialogue definitely gives it a 40’s vibe. Fantastic write. Appreciate you.
Damian