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![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
Fia Naturie wrote a new post
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Read MoreSeveral weeks at sea and no flower as yet. The crew was still in high spirits due to the captain’s demeanor Vivian suspects. She has been watching him since the day they set sail. The way he treats his crew...
4 Comments-
![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
Thank you and I appreciate your comments.
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![Profile picture of DampKitten]()
Love what you’re doing, girl. Honestly, this feels much older than the 40’s to me. Darrius feels somehow like a pirate, and Vivian his captive. Of course, she isn’t a prisoner. Or is she? This is intentional.
And Darrius is such an egotistical SOB. What guy tells a woman that everyone on board can see her intentions? That’s a guy who is overly confident, a guy who wants to make things more difficult for himself, who creates a challenge from a gift.,
Love the dialogue. There’s limited description and imagery here, which is actually where you might more specifically date the scene as if that really mattered. My one suggestion would be backing off spoon feeding your reader about the thoughts and feelings of your characters. Let them act it out, and we can all come to our own conclusions.
You’ve got a lot to cover in two more chapters. The centerpiece of this mysterious journey has yet to be exposed. What would be the purpose of searching out a flower under the urgent circumstance of war?
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![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
I will take your suggestion to consideration. Enjoying your take on this.
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![Profile picture of Daniel Long]()
Daniel Long wrote a new post
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Read MoreThe lady of sorrow does not possess a name. For the sake of this poem, I will call her: Lady Sorrow. There's another time in another place, where she sat deep between the slopes of a ravine. It was overcast, and so was the spirit in her eyes. Where...
3 Comments-
![Profile picture of DampKitten]()
Wow, this has Edgar Allen Poe written all over it.
Daniel, I’m not following you into hell, so you better repent.Who am I kidding?
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![Profile picture of Daniel Long]()
You must be kidding, Meg. Repent? Never! Haha! As long as my hand and I are alive I will continue writing the hauntingly beautiful. Poe had it right, what an inspiration. So, on this story will continue and her sorrows will follow her in death. Maybe, just maybe this character will find a way out of hell, and maybe so will I…
Thanks Meg 😊
Daniel
Gothic-surrealist
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![Profile picture of Thomas W. Case]()
Sharp and vivid . Powerful work.
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![Profile picture of Pandy]()
Pandy and
Eyes of a hidden woman are now friends
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![Profile picture of thoughtsdie]()
So many parts missing
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![Profile picture of Crimsin]()
hello dearest poet yes sadly thank you 💕
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![Profile picture of Damian DeadLove]()
Powerfully penned, Brenda. Thanks for sharing my friend. Appreciate you.
Damian
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![Profile picture of Crimsin]()
hello dearest Damian good afternoon thank you for reading and leaving a kind comment 💕
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![Profile picture of Thomas W. Case]()
Superb work.
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![Profile picture of Crimsin]()
hello dearest Thomas good afternoon thank you graciously for reading and commenting 💕
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![Profile picture of Backdeckbenny (Peter)]()
Backdeckbenny (Peter) wrote a new post
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Read MoreThe dawn sky is brightening as the morning star fadesThe steam from my morning tea risesfogging the window that i stare throughAnd I wonder.I wonder about mankind Then realise in the word itselfIs the answerMan is rarely kind.I wonder...
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Brilliantly penned, Fia. Love this story my friend, the dialogue definitely gives it a 40’s vibe. Fantastic write. Appreciate you.
Damian