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Styxian wrote a new post
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I love this. The rhyming is sooo good!
Dare I say perfect, yes I think I will.
I think about your back yard and all the hibiscus 🌺 back there.
This isn’t too far fetched 🙂Love it and you!
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Beautifully penned, Mark. A very passionate write indeed my friend. Excellent work as always. Appreciate you.
Damian
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Hello Sir Damian!
I don’t write many rhyme/meter poems much. It’s hard for me to get deep into my feels if I do. Freestyle is my obvious choice, because I can detail them better. But any rate, I do attempt to test some creative builds like this from time to time. And no, no AI assist either. (Seems many do lean on AI nowadays).
Anyway, thanks dude. I enjoy your dropping by’s !
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Trust me, it wrecked my brain big time! I hacked at it quite alot. I actually had some more “ye olde sonnet” type words in it, but took them out because I didn’t want it to seem pretentious. If that makes sense. I also doubt that I can ever write one quite as solid as this one, as far as the build of it. again. Maybe if I break out the old pencil and paper, so I can erase a hundred times. LOL. (I still write on paper sometimes, because it holds a unique touch to me.
Good to see you Willow. Hope you are well and enjoying life! -
Hello Tim. I started out as a rhyming kid. LOL. But as I got older and read more contemporary material, it changed my preferences. It was more in tune with my “feelings”.
But, I have a few attempts here and there, to stay mentally sharp I suppose. So I appreciate the nod for my result. these ain’t easy for me. If for anyone.
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redzone wrote a new post
5 Comments-
Very clever, for starters. And you carried the story theme along so well. It’s a read for creative thinkers who wanna frolic. LOL
It isn’t so trippy that I couldn’t stay with it. Great write. -
Hi ValuptasUnholyWhisper!!! If that is you in the avatar (photo), it is nice to see your smiling face, and welcome to my poetic garden. And it is my pleasure to have “captivated” you.
perhaps you might also like Deep Forest, and Enya? These are some of my “trippy” musical treats from the 90’s. I’m listening to Enya’s “Watermark” as I type this reply.
Anyway, I love when you visit, thank you for time and words.
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The places this one took me…You held this one on the crest of wave after wave of poetic brilliance. It was the faded tight jeans that locked me in and kept me rolling with it
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Hi Willow! This poem, its internal mix of emotion is one of the poems I am most proud of. While it is a play on words, it is also the way “faded jeans and flannel shirt”, makes it more real, more conversational. I am glad you noticed this and more that you got hooked by it and brought you deeper into the poem. Thank you!
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redzone wrote a new post
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Crimsin! So nice of you to visit and leave me such wonderful words on this poem. I hope you don’t mind, I sent you a friends request and will visit your page to read some of your works.
Thanks again.
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Mary, Mary, HI and Hello and I am out of control seeing that you are here, leaving me an “amazing”. Okay Curt, calm down, behave, it’s your friend Mary. Stay in control, she likes your poem, everything is okay! Hi Mary, this is the “nice” redzone. I come once in a while cause Curt is excitable, especially when Valuptas is visiting and “whispers” at one of his poems. If his excitement bothers you, just bop him upside his head. 🌹
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redzone wrote a new post
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Neville wrote a new post
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Desire and lust–she certainly has the right stuff to stir emotions and fan passionate flames inside of boys, men, and grandpas who ain’t dead yet. She reminds me of the gas station owner’s wife who’d sell us boys cokes and peanuts, then send us away with big lumps in our pants. (Through no fault of her own–all she did was make change and smile) Thoughts of your Mirislavka will be with me all day.
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Passionately penned, Neville. Excellent write with brilliant detail and wonderful storytelling my friend. Outstanding work. Appreciate you.
Damian
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hello dearest Styxian this is very beautiful, sensual and romantic…I have a garden dream to I always picture wisdom is there walking through the garden having philospohical conversations with Eve it is a curious thing… this is beautifully written and your metaphors are just right to evoke deep feeling ❤️