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![Profile picture of twofiftythree]()
twofiftythree posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
for sake of the lesson I added punctuation…don’t get attached.
gravity slip
I stumble thru a world
that’s bent slightly outa focus
as if it were half dream,
half burn.
heat risin off my skin in waves
like quiet embers tryin
to decide if I’m worth ignitin.every breath feels wrong,
every step lands heavy,
gravity clawin up my s…Read More![Profile Photo]()
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![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
Fia Naturie posted in the group ”BACK TO POETRY BASICS”
This is my Free verse
Do you hear the sun?
As the rays beat down on the ground,
It is subtle but poignant
It’s purpose is to burn.
The exquisite heat,
does not match the coolness in your eyesDo you smell the wind?
Multicolored in its complexity
Surrounds you,
Invades your very core.
It gives you life.
Then withdraws to take your b…Read More![Profile Photo]()
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3 Comments-
![Profile picture of RICHARD "Rascal" JENKINS]()
Beautifully imagined, Fia, an excellent effort!
Deserves a VERY strong title!ISSUES TO CONSIDER:
1. Unnecessarily Capitalizing every line, which tends to confuse when one complete line, thought, etc; begins or ends, effectively stumbling the flow, attention, and overall magical smoothness of a poem’s captive spell.
2. Poetic voice … how a poe…Read More-
![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
I’ll work on it. Thanks for the guidance
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![Profile picture of RICHARD "Rascal" JENKINS]()
You make sharing a distinct pleasure. 🙏
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![Profile picture of Damian DeadLove]()
Thanks for the info, Fia. Appreciate you, cuz.
Damian
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![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
Thank you, Damian
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![Profile picture of FlatDaddy]()
FlatDaddy wrote a new post
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Read More© 2025Of Elephants & Toads - The Audio VersionSo as not to reveal too much by having the audio at the end of the text, I have eliminated the text. If you wish, you can find the pure text...
2 Comments-
![Profile picture of Sam Dickens]()
A highly entertaining, fantastic story, told in your unique style. I found myself wishing my youngest grandkids could be hearing you. Disney studios should learn about you.
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![Profile picture of FlatDaddy]()
Wow, Sam, I’m going to have to put you on the payroll! And I would, if I HAD a payroll. You give me far too much praise, Sam, but I certainly do appreciate it. Thanks, Sam.
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Sheer brilliance, Syr 253
You’ve mastered the heatbeat techniques of Free Verse poetry: Imagery, deeply gripping emotion, metaphor, spot-on line-breaks, seamless enjambment, syntax; and, except for the distraction of missing “g’s”, your diction and spellbinding flow would be irresistibly captivating to the senses.
Also, your well-placed…Read More