silently simmering inside my dread
alone in the feeling I sulk
it is for me to face...the bleak
my sanity doesn’t allow deep bonds
my behaviour dictates who sticks around
there are those I reach
then the pack gathers round
and shames my favored person into turning on me
it’s always been the same
one on one I’m good
in a group I face riddicule
a trauma response is triggered
and I bug out
it hurts to be held to a standard I can’t possibly obtain
people know I’m mentally ill
still, after long bouts of not seeing them
I’m faced with so what are you up to these days
then I remember why I avoid these people
and we thought you were so cool in highschool
quiet I forget my mind issues
if it were any other part of the body I would not be treated this way
but because it’s my brain i am targeted
people know they can get away with it
my broken thoughts form in defense
then I crumble, let down by the only barrier I have to my soul
where most people are secure in their safety,I’m not
so a stratedgy formed long ago
find the meanest cruelest wolf who was nice to me
to help me navigate this world
he keeps the leeches and scavengers at bay
gives me a sense of bond in this wayward place
my husband stands up for me when I can’t
because of him, people think twice before approaching me
the cost is great
but I have learned to cope
Powerfully penned, Brenda. Excellent write my friend, it always helps knowing someone understands and has our back. Appreciate you.
Damian
Chère C.,
In the Netherlands, we believe that everyone has ‘een rugzakje’. A backpack, but the addition of ‘je’ can’t be translated as far as I know. It’s there to indicate that sometimes it’s heavy and sometimes less. If I make any sense.
In this rugzakje we all carry things from present and past (mostly).
The thing for others, is to accept other rugzakjes too. I hear what you say, and at the same time I know that there will be more people who will support and embrace you.
The days will be getting longer. I hope that more hours of light will strengthen you.
Warm regards, Gus
A great piece written for your husband. Nicely executed!