Was born with eyes wide-open on that day,
to be prepared for seeing every truth …
not wanting to offend in any way,
for what had happened up there on the roof.
While holding onto pasts, like in a box …
we crawled, we stood, we soon began to walk.
Cold, rusty keys, turned deep within pain’s locks
release harsh spoken words before they’re caught.
Sad streams of tears scream out without a sound
in mourning lovers’ end – gold rings withdrawn.
Two heartbeats wed, eternally unbound …
as morning’s light revealed, we’d both moved-on.
Forever ending life that could been built,
we walked away with heads bowed low in guilt.
Nice to see the structured discipline.
Cathartic work.
Thank you, Jim;))
Now this is what I call perfect poetry
Thank you, Sam:))
Goodness-ME, Fia!🍷
I’m amazed at how well you’ve done with your first effort at writing a Sonnet … it just goes to show the wonders waiting to be unlocked and freed under the surface of one’s bountiful potential.
This is no small accomplishment, and one you should be exceedingly proud of, as only a rare few of all poetesses and poets can compose a correct Sonnet. The Sonnet form is known as the Rolls Royce of poetry, and due to its “iambic pentameter” requirement many give-up before ever mastering its beautifully rhythmical unstressedSTRESSED meter.
How exemplary your natural creativity fits so smoothly into the diction and syntax of each line, and how perfectly your lines enjamb and break. Emotion, metaphor, imagery, grammar, spot-on rhymes (except, V2, L3&4, but it’s near-rhyme and can be addressed anytime) … also, your all around theme and ambiance are held faithfully throughout.
Poignantly sad, you convey a tale so many can relate to in so many ways … you’re an amazingly original poetess, Fia, with a broad potential to master the art of poetry few possess.
Thank you for sharing your lovely potic skills, to inspire us all at the “Back to Poetry Basics” group.
You make an olde bard ‘n teacher so proud and ohhhh-sooo very happy! ⁓ Richard🖌
Thank you so much for the compliment. I enjoyed the processes and your guidance.
Anytime, Fia,
The pleasure of sharing with You is a true blessing! ⁓ Richard🖌
Should have been: “V2, L2&4”
Beautifully penned, Fia. Excellent sonnet my friend, you can do anything you put your mind to cuz. Nicely done. Appreciate you.
Damian
Thank you needed help with this, but it came out good;))
Hi Fia,
Very beautiful lines, that hearts can only sense.
I want to give feedback of this site, how seriously you are working, i have a suggestion, do encourage natural writers, that inspire, because nowadays, people are not into porn, because it is just a release, so everyone is going to wards something worth learning, you might be knowing how instagram became famous, with tricks and trade skill, every one wants to learn that can make their life, so focus on tourism, trades and inspirations for people who are suffering, how much who focus on erotics, its never going to satisfy any of their needs.
I have started writing some learning series of life lessons, any one could start with tourism trips, like you have traveled.
Thank you
Usha Jaocb
let me know if this is making sense what i mentioned.
I am just worried, seeing so much content with nude bodies, i see your site looks like porn site, so please make sure what content and pics are being posted in your site. a forewarning only.
who am i to say something to you
Tremendous work.