I wasn’t expectin much

the mirror had my face again
same bones
same eyes
familiar enough to hate
but closer
like it finally knew me

I leaned in
breath foggin the glass
finger tracin my jaw
testin whether the shape was still mine
lingerin where skin held heat
a warmth I hadn’t earned

nails dug in
a quiet tear
skin partin with a sound
somethin makes when it gives up
flesh stretched slow
red threads snappin
one by one
then rippin
clean
eager

no pain
just the dull shock of nothin
a piece of myself
hangin between my fingers
coolin fast
already more corpse than skin

I kept peelin
down my throat
across my chest
openin myself in long red lines
skin slid off my shoulders
rolled to my elbows
arms bare to meat and tendon
wet shine catchin in the mirror
fingers poked thru the last bit of skin
bone white
shakin

each piece hit tile with a wet finality
a slap
a thud
proof of who I was before
and I didn’t stop
I couldn’t
stoppin would mean trustin
what might live beneath
and I needed understandin
more than mercy

the last strip came loose
with a sound that rolled thru me
a slow unzippin of identity
and underneath…

nothin

no monster hidden in my ribs
no god curled under my sternum
no poetry sloppily written across bone
just muscle workin outa habit
organs promisin survival
an emptiness runnin straight thru the center
where meanin should’ve lived

skin pooled at my feet
still warm in places
still shaped like someone
soon to be a memory
tryin to hold the weight
of a quiet I couldn’t reason with
pressin against the inside of my skull
askin what I thought I’d find

I stared at my reflection
red
alive
held together by nothin
just a body that refused to quit
breath goin in
breath goin out

the worst part wasn’t the emptiness
it was how expected it felt
how familiar the void was
how obvious the outcome
now that I’d peeled myself down

what else did I think I’d see?

I’ve always known I was nothin
all I did tonight
was prove it