The Judge Made Me Get A Divorce

Meeting up with the ladies at the bar to blow off some steam on a Friday night. It’s supposed to be a relaxing night but instead it turned into this conversation.

Hello ladies, and welcome to the Do It Right Bar. What would you ladies be having tonight?” The waitress asked

Juju was the first to order. “Do you have any plum wine?”

“Yes, we do. Is that what you like?”

She sat there and just nodded her head as she looked around the bar.

“And what would you like?” The question was headed towards Casey.

“Well I definitely don’t want no plum wine. Give me a tequila and if you have some corn chips with some salsa too.”

The waitress jot it down and looked at the third in our group Joni.

“Just makes me a White Russian. And I’ll take it from there.” Joni accent was New York and Slavic. It sounds sexy when she lowers it and whispers in your ear but downright scary when she’s pissed off.

The waitress looked at me, waiting for my order.

“I’ll have a bourbon on the rocks.”

Now what I said sounds very normal to most people. But who orders bourbon on the rocks at a bar that is pumping music that is supposed to get you up and dance. She took my order with a questioning look on her face and turned around and walked away.

“WTF  Fia, what is wrong with you? It’s bad enough that we have to deal with the Juju’s plum wine at a place that wine is not what you normally order, but she had to have something different. But bourbon?”

Juju, must have had enough of Casey riding her about the Plumb wine, and just let some of her anger out, just a little bit.

“Listen, you uneducated, uncouth twit. You talked about my Plumb wine one more time, I’m gonna show you where I’m gonna stick that plum.” She turned back to me it asked, “Bourbon?”

Now I don’t know why I was waiting for Joni to say something. The woman is very calculated with her words. Her stare spoke volumes.

I took a good deep breath, and I just confessed.

“The judge said I had to get a divorce.”

The three of them looked at each other, trying to understand what I was talking about. This is when Joni surprised all of us by saying, ” You’re not married.” I guess my statement just threw her out of her normal headspace because she normally tries to use big words to throw all of us off.

Taking another deep breath, I had to explain.

“You see, this whole thing with the divorce with the judge started about three years back. I was in a slight altercation at a house party, and the judge told me that I needed to divorce Appleton. Now, I did put up an argument stating that it didn’t have to come to this, but she said if I did not divorce Appleton, then I would spend some time behind bars.

So when Appleton left…..