go on
don’t flinch now
you’ve thought it a hundred times
might as well say it out loud
tell me how you’ve made yourself
too afraid to live
but too chicken shit to die
how you just float
half here. half sick
hidin behind sarcasm and smirks
like that’s gonna keep the rot off
how you wake up
already tired of bein you
how you put on your suit
of duct tape and safety pins
and call it copin
and how most days
even the mirror can’t look at you
tell me how you build relationships
just to burn them down
how you keep movin
just to outrun yourself
but every turn brings you back
to the same wreckage
how you pick fights
b/c silence feels safer than abandonment
say it
say how you drag yourself thru the day
with bullshit smiles and empty promises
while inside it’s all static
nonstop panic
and the slow crawl of bein alive
how you need to be high
just to tolerate your own skin
how you chase numbness
like it owes you somethin
but it never fuckin stays
you always come back
to you
to me
to the fuck up you can’t outrun
tell me how you make yourself a burden
before anyone else can say it out loud
how fuckin hateful you are
so no one will notice you’re scared
how you lie to your therapist
and then wonder
why nothin changes
tell me how you’re a disappointment
even in your own eyes
how every “I’m fine”
burns like rotgut whiskey
how you ruin good things
b/c you don’t think you deserve them
then get pissed when they’re gone
say it
you don’t want to get better
you just want it all to stop
but not enough to do anythin drastic
you’d rather just rot slowly
without anyone askin questions
tell me how you leave bruises
without ever raisin your hand
how you sabotage anythin soft
how you burn bridges
then cry bout the smoke
don’t hold back
just fuckin say it
in the same way
you scream it in your head
when you’re tired of bein tired
you already know
so say it
spit it out
you know every line
by heart
look in the mirror
don’t look away
say it to your own damn face
“I hate you”
say it like you mean it
go on
you’ve said worse
when nobody’s listenin
The rawness of this write oozes off the page. Well done, my friend.
Self-contempt makes for some mighty fine poetry. Doesn’t do too much for our peace of mind or the state of our well-being though…damn double edge sword.
Mic Drop!