Deep breath…

I don’t think I’ve strung together so many words in a format like this since term papers in college. It’s a lot harder than poetry. But I’m going to give it a shot. Probably the only time I’ll ever do this .

I want to talk about something that recently occurred & triggered a response in me well out of my normal quiet character. Those of you who know me from my writing here or from the years on Deep Underground, know that I’m a Survivor who writes her truth. I’m the opposite of secretive about it. No apologies there. It helps heal me.

But a writer on this site was maliciously attacked publicly. And she left the site as a result, believing nothing would be done about it. We all have our breaking point. She hit hers. However, the attacker was a serial abuser who had a history of the behavior from the old site. I spoke with & witnessed multiple women fall under the abuse & harassment. I became concerned that it would continue & more women would be harmed. It’s a very strong probability, given previous behavior patterns.

I’m not a vigilante. Not a crusader. I’m not going to attack anyone publicly or air any grievances in any retaliative manner. That’s not who I am. But if I witness abuse, I’m not the person who can quietly put her head down & look away. I have no judgment on those who do. We all have our triggers & boundaries. I don’t know their story or why they feel unsafe stepping up. I’m not built like that. What I will do is pretty much what I did do.

I wrote Fact or Fiction earlier but hoped it would never see daylight. The first half is using paraphrased verbiage witnessed by or shared with me by women who were abused by the individual in this situation. Those words & phrases were softened a great deal, trust me. The second half refers to the fact that those women hit their breaking point. Their voices are no longer with us, so I lent them mine. I then wrote Whatcha Got? as a declaration. I will not stay silent. The next thing I did was contact site administration & kept in communication with them to resolve the situation. I’m not going to point fingers or name names. That’s not what this is.

This is about community. Every community has predators. But the tighter the community is, the harder it is for predators to get a foothold. Many of us come from a home whose doors closed suddenly. It was more than poetry. It was emotions & memories, thoughts & philosophies, hopes & dreams. It was humor & tears, camaraderie & kvetching, it was riotous sex in the halls & quiet nature journeys. It was a hard loss & will be missed for itself. But we have the opportunity to build a community here just as strong, or stronger.

We lost someone because she believed she didn’t matter enough to defend. Well, she was wrong. And anyone who believes I will sit in my corner quiet as a mouse while it’s done to anyone else will see this mouse become an R.O.U.S. I will do the same for any of you.

Site administrators moved quickly to manage the damage (huge thanks to them!), but we still lost someone. A member who was a huge supporter to many of you. I believe her comment count was among the highest here. We’re all going to feel that loss in one way or another. I don’t want it to happen to anyone else. I don’t want to lose another home, another family. If I witness it again, I will do exactly as I did; work with the administrators to resolve the issue.

I’m not a “public speaker.” Quite frankly it scares the shit out of me. And this is more words than I’m used to fusing together in one place. So I’m going to retreat to my little corner now & recover. Take care of yourselves & be good to each other.