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the tears started to fall
before I even touched the keys
b/c I knew what was comin
the ache
the colors
the way they would rip thru me

major keys hit me like a fuckin sunrise
yellow and orange and burn
in chords that don’t
just release sound
they detonate
right in the middle of my chest

it’s not music
it’s a goddamn possession
that climbs inside of me
settin fire to my veins
and I can’t fuckin breathe
but I don’t want it to stop

minor chords roll in deep and dark
as a midnight sky
that isn’t quite painted black
but with bruised blues and purples
and that particular green
that means I’m bout to lose somethin

some come out red
not bright but dark and thick
like dried blood under fingernails
like the weight of his hands
like childhood fear
that never got a chance to scream

this isn’t peace
it’s defiance
it’s survival
it’s a goddamn reckonin
and it hurts like hell
but I don’t fight back

b/c in that chaos
I find myself
exactly as I am
shakin
sobbin
burnin
alive

and fuck it
sometimes that’s the closest
I ever get anymore
to feelin like me

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