letter
A Story by Randall
A Satire on the Separation of Powers and Other Things, lots of other things!
My dearest X, girlfriend, wife, or whatever you were.
I must thank you for giving me a tour of Purgatory… It was most interesting, the many glimpses of heaven which we floated up to, but never quite past into. You described it in such vivid, wonderful detail that one would believe you once lived there.
However, … I notice you had the same vivid description of the gates of Hell as we drifted downward past them. Which leads me to ask…. Where are you really from?
No matter… it was quite the ride, sometimes long, sometimes short, but always interesting. I want to thank you for sharing my things with you. Could you please return my stereo receiver, you know, the one with too many buttons that confused you! And while you’re at it, my reel-to-reel, my turntable, and my record collection. You may keep the cassette player, the head was worn quite badly, just a little pun, intended. And would you tell me which Pawn Shop you took my stereo equipment to? I can assure you it was worth more than they gave you.
Oh yes, please take a look out your window, you will see two fellows putting the hooks on my nice Dodge Charger Hellcat. “Oh, you’re saying what the hell!” I’ll tell you what the hell. Your snake of a lawyer forgot to put it on the inventory list, and the Judge already passed his decree. I checked with my lawyer on that one. My present to me, “Happy New Life!”
If you ever need anything like money, a reference, or a kidney. Please call this number: Area code whatever—–
382-5968, look up the numbers on your phone, you always talked in codes. The kidney, well, maybe. But if we didn’t match when we met, why would we match now!
Sincerely and ecstatically, your X… whatever
