EVIL TRIGGERS
The scent of a cigar triggers me. I
remember strong hands around my
throat choking me. I clutch my throat
and then my hands won’t loosen.
I nearly strangle myself.
Then, the day will worsen. Everything
will remind me of my grandfather.
If I smell strong hot black coffee…
I will throw my hands to my cheeks.
The sting of being scalded flashes
back and I may even fall to the floor.
The sight of an old bamboo cane
will cause me to run away fast.
These are my triggers. Anything can
be a trigger. There’s a name…that if I
hear it said…I have passed out. For
that reason – I WON’T PUT IT HERE!
Triggers sometimes act alone and
sometimes multiply each other. If
you know – YOU FUCKING KNOW!
Grandfather was the most vile person.
I have known evil and evil tends to
produce more evil. I call them family.
You can’t choose them. They are thrust
upon you…and sometimes thrust in you.
They eventually die, but their evil
remains in other forms. I carry a bit of
it within myself. But it doesn’t control
me. I fight with it every single day.
It whispers things to me…telling me
to hurt myself and do drugs and drink.
It calls me pet names, like slut, whore
and cunt. It pushes me toward strangers.
Strangers are safer than evil family.
How do you cope…. bloody amazing write and you aren’t unmazing ( is that even a word) yourself.
You take care now.
💋