Yes, it felt like that! I was lying down, and looking at, well, when there is no light pollution there are at least a handful of shooting stars showing every moment, and my wife was on top of me, and it felt like I was floating out in the middle of the Trail of the Ancestors (that is, The Milky Way). It did indeed feel very spiritual, especially as it was our last time together. It was a real gift…. I only have a handful of moments in life that felt like they were essentially meant to be, I think of them as my “earth memories”, and that was definitely one of them, you really picked up on that! Ahhh, this is one of those times that make it worth all the wrestling the pen worth it, you made this day a lot better. <3

My hands are shaking like leaves now… I don’t want grief to seem performative, or seeking of attention, but since you seem genunely interested, I’m taking a chance at seeming as if I may be sharing something intimate and private for a self-serving purpose, but it feels right to take that chance, and share the last SMS she sent me before her mission 11 April 2024… it just by bad luck was, up to that date at least, that it was the largest one-day aerial attack by Putin of the war.

And it seems very much like she had a premonition which happens, others I know got last messages not unlike this one, like their lost loved ones just somehow knew it was their last communication, because she never sent things like this, but here it is:

” ‘Healthy feet can hear the very heart of holy Grandmother Earth.’
— Húŋkešni Psíče Tȟatȟáŋka Íyotake —

Please to remember, you don’t have to have all the answers, Sonechko [Note: Sunshine, her pet name for me]. One of the bravest things you can do is to bravely embrace the unknown, accept your fear, and keep moving forward no matter what … regardless.

A clear mission doesn’t always have a clear path, if you understand me? Just keep being true to you, and let life happen not exclusively “by” you, but “for” you, because if you try to control too much as you tend toward? It usually doesn’t work out, first off, and secondly, it just beats all the beautiful mystery out of life … surrendering your will is not the same thing as apathy, so ponder on that.

And time solves so many things, so very many things, that we often consider to be completely irreparable, completely hopeless, completely intractable and unfixable. Think of all the things of all the things you’ve fretted over in life … can you in truth tell me that no less than 99% of those things never came to pass.

So always fight the bully in front of you, not the one you worry will come next, and next, and next after that. Sometimes the best solution is to just let tomorrow’s worries take care of themselves, for so very often they never come to pass, and you make yourself sick worrying for nothing at all, for no reason at all, for no positive outcomes.

Was ever a problem truly ever improved by worrying, like, in all of history? It’s very important to remember this. It’s very, very important to remember this! Tattoo it on your hand if you have to you hedgehog-fucker, you. 🙂

I love you to the sky and back again, I love you more than bananas, and whether in this world or in the next, I will love you more and more with each passing moment, and, as Barrett-Browning wrote, if God wills it, I shall but love thee better after death ❤”

I’ve read, as you can imagine, this last SMS message many thousands of time over the last couple of years I think. I hope it was okay to share it with you, for I think her wisdom is one that almost anyone could read and find some benefit in for their own lives. That’s hope at least in sharing it.