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![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
Fia Naturie wrote a new post
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Read MoreSeveral weeks at sea and no flower as yet. The crew was still in high spirits due to the captain’s demeanor Vivian suspects. She has been watching him since the day they set sail. The way he treats his crew...
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![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
Thank you and I appreciate your comments.
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![Profile picture of DampKitten]()
Love what you’re doing, girl. Honestly, this feels much older than the 40’s to me. Darrius feels somehow like a pirate, and Vivian his captive. Of course, she isn’t a prisoner. Or is she? This is intentional.
And Darrius is such an egotistical SOB. What guy tells a woman that everyone on board can see her intentions? That’s a guy who is overly confident, a guy who wants to make things more difficult for himself, who creates a challenge from a gift.,
Love the dialogue. There’s limited description and imagery here, which is actually where you might more specifically date the scene as if that really mattered. My one suggestion would be backing off spoon feeding your reader about the thoughts and feelings of your characters. Let them act it out, and we can all come to our own conclusions.
You’ve got a lot to cover in two more chapters. The centerpiece of this mysterious journey has yet to be exposed. What would be the purpose of searching out a flower under the urgent circumstance of war?
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![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
I will take your suggestion to consideration. Enjoying your take on this.
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![Profile picture of S. Libellule]()
S. Libellule wrote a new post
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Read MoreIt remains so hard to then hedge,when you live here on the edge—live on the cusp of life and death,separated by only a single breath. Peering down from this height,within a dark and endless night—a never-ending sea of black ink,here,...
3 Comments-
![Profile picture of Thomas W. Case]()
Tremendous work. Powerful and poignant.
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![Profile picture of Damian DeadLove]()
Beautifully penned, LDF. Incredible write my friend. Appreciate you.
Damian
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![Profile picture of Cipher]()
Hey LDF…
I was thinking about this piece…
I decided the punctuation tightens the write up…
Very nicely done…
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Nick DC wrote a new post
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Read MoreInspired by: Tom MacDonald, MadChild Ft. Nova Rockafeller - Going to Hell https://youtu.be/_hyQofXdozs?si=PsuPtc-6aYQR0uL- I show up at the gates of heaven the angels say come in but this isn’t at all what I imagined a bunch of nerds playing scrabble I try to get some...
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![Profile picture of Pandy]()
Pandy and
Eyes of a hidden woman are now friends
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![Profile picture of Average Joe]()
Average Joe wrote a new post
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Read MoreI think of youAnd can’t help thinking about usAn openingAn unfoldingThe falling of wallsAnd guardsThe laying aside of old fearsAnd old livesAs the new opens before meIn layersLike the petals of a roseWith the coming of the sunGlistening with...
4 Comments-
![Profile picture of Crimsin]()
hello dearest Joe so much passion inside you I am overcome with a feeling sigh to be loved like this beautiful 💕
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![Profile picture of Average Joe]()
Life is hard enough. Love should feel like this. At least I think it should 🌼
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![Profile picture of Fia Naturie]()
Aww, not a dream. That is perfect. Nice spill.
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![Profile picture of Average Joe]()
Thank.you for the compliment, I’m glad this poem made you feel that way.🌼
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Brilliantly penned, Fia. Love this story my friend, the dialogue definitely gives it a 40’s vibe. Fantastic write. Appreciate you.
Damian