This is dense and immersive. The accumulation of shadow, sound, and motion creates a sustained sense of unease that carries through the whole piece.

Thank you, Thomas.

So this is your song if only…I like it.

A song played on a radio, as a teen-aged girl dreams of that secret crush she has. I’m sure that this lyrical gem has been played for so many young women, and men. It’s called a crush because thats what it feels like in our chests, huh!

Beautifully penned, Fia. Excellent write my friend. I really like this a lot. Appreciate you, cuz.

Damian

Chère F.,
Every time I discover more reasons to love your write to bits.
And this is also such an event.
At the end of your poem, you offer a possibility to choose. Simply wonderful, but it reminds me of a song I once wrote. A long long time ago. And its title is Bevrijdingsdag. Translated: liberation day. I wouldn’t write a song with such a title today, but that’s another story.

The chorus of the song is forceful and perhaps a bit extreme. It translates like this:

You said ‘Married’ – and I said so what
I’d love to choose if I may
Don’t talk to me about divorce
Everyday’s liberation day

And then I asked the public:
You’ve heard it. She said ‘married’. But didn’t say who is married, so it’s up to you to choose.
– is he married
– is she married
– are they both married, but not to each other

Raise your hands!

And I would let the public decide. And I would have three songs ready to fit the decision.
A situation, prone to personal ‘colouring’. My personal colouring that is. I’m not On a stage for nothing.

Yes, a bit of a long reply. But maybe an idea 💡 for if and when you’re going to do some beat poetry. The public will love you all the more for this kind of surprises. Really.
I’m a huge fan of open mic evenings; maybe I can transfer some of the excitement to you.
Other than that: keep them coming, please.

Warm regards, Gus

Very nice indeed ma’am .. Neville 😎🌻👍

Pretty cool, Daniel. I like the visions that it creates easily for the reader. With an artistic flair of course.

The opening lines set a fragile, haunting mood that carries through the poem beautifully.