Brilliantly penned, Fia. Love this story my friend, the dialogue definitely gives it a 40’s vibe. Fantastic write. Appreciate you.

Damian

Thank you and I appreciate your comments.

Love what you’re doing, girl. Honestly, this feels much older than the 40’s to me. Darrius feels somehow like a pirate, and Vivian his captive. Of course, she isn’t a prisoner. Or is she? This is intentional.

And Darrius is such an egotistical SOB. What guy tells a woman that everyone on board can see her intentions? That’s a guy who is overly confident, a guy who wants to make things more difficult for himself, who creates a challenge from a gift.,

Love the dialogue. There’s limited description and imagery here, which is actually where you might more specifically date the scene as if that really mattered. My one suggestion would be backing off spoon feeding your reader about the thoughts and feelings of your characters. Let them act it out, and we can all come to our own conclusions.

You’ve got a lot to cover in two more chapters. The centerpiece of this mysterious journey has yet to be exposed. What would be the purpose of searching out a flower under the urgent circumstance of war?

I hate writer’s block.

Writer’s block is never fun, Thomas. Appreciate you.

Damian

Thank you. You are right.

I enjoyed the frankness of this piece.
Regards
James

Thanks.

Tremendous work. Powerful and poignant.

Beautifully penned, LDF. Incredible write my friend. Appreciate you.

Damian

Hey LDF…

I was thinking about this piece…

I decided the punctuation tightens the write up…

Very nicely done…