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Fia Naturie wrote a new post
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Love what you’re doing, girl. Honestly, this feels much older than the 40’s to me. Darrius feels somehow like a pirate, and Vivian his captive. Of course, she isn’t a prisoner. Or is she? This is intentional.
And Darrius is such an egotistical SOB. What guy tells a woman that everyone on board can see her intentions? That’s a guy who is overly confident, a guy who wants to make things more difficult for himself, who creates a challenge from a gift.,
Love the dialogue. There’s limited description and imagery here, which is actually where you might more specifically date the scene as if that really mattered. My one suggestion would be backing off spoon feeding your reader about the thoughts and feelings of your characters. Let them act it out, and we can all come to our own conclusions.
You’ve got a lot to cover in two more chapters. The centerpiece of this mysterious journey has yet to be exposed. What would be the purpose of searching out a flower under the urgent circumstance of war?
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Crimsin wrote a new post
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Eyes of a hidden woman and
Poetspeak are now friends
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thoughtsdie wrote a new post
3 Comments-
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Powerful and profound… The Samurai believed that everyday one should consider oneself already dead. That we should meditate daily on death in the worst possible ways. Tis far out… Takes great bravery to endeavor upon such reflections. That is the kind of bravery I see here. The bravery to gaze into the abyss, which is perhaps an inevitability. Very nicely done thoughtsdie.
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Eyes of a hidden woman wrote a new post
16 Comments-
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Hoi hoi
Short and sweet.
I love it a lot!
Good thing that you posted it.
I’ll be back for another read.Kind regards, Gus
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Brilliantly penned, Fia. Love this story my friend, the dialogue definitely gives it a 40’s vibe. Fantastic write. Appreciate you.
Damian