The “Wife” Vs the “Escort” – An Exercise in Personal Finance

In this article I’m going to conduct a brief financial analysis in order to compare the cost of having the person they call the “wife” as a permanent fixture in ones household as opposed to the intermittent service of a professional “escort” if and when the sexual need arises.

However before I start let me just mention that I do not have anything against the institute of “Marriage” nor the person they call the “Wife.” Everyone is free to choose the way he or she conducts their own business. I will try to be as objective as possible using facts and figures to the best of my knowledge. As for the “escorts”, or as they are sometimes referred to as: prostitutes, hookers, sex workers.. etc, I’m not going to go into the social aspect of their profession, suffice it to say it is a very old and noble line of work that has fulfilled a market demand as well as a socioeconomic need for hundreds of centuries. 

One other thing I would also like to mention is the average hourly fee of an “escort.” This is very important as it is going be the bases upon which I will be conducting this financial exercise in sexual demand. The fees of an escort can vary from as little as $50 up to thousands of dollars per hour. However the average fee for a good professional “escort“ is approximately $200 per hour. This number has been carefully calculated after extensive research, multiple interviews and years of data acquisition.

Now let us start from the beginning, right at the time when one meets the “Wife.” That is the time when she might still be called a “girlfriend” or maybe a “fiancé” if you play your cards right.

The cost of that first date with YOUR “girlfriend” is estimated to be as follows:

• Cost of dinner for two in an expensive restaurant with all the 9 course dinner trimmings is estimated to be a minimum of $100 a date.
• Cost of a nice gift or a dozen or more beautiful red roses arranged in a fancy bouquet is approximately $100. Please note that if by any chance you forgot to get that gift or those flowers then you can kiss your chances for a second date goodbye and you would have wasted all that money for nothing.
• Cost of a new suit for this special occasion is between $300 and $500. Of course you could go with your old suit but the guilt would eat you up and if that date doesn’t work out for any reason then you would blame yourself for not buying that new suit. So a new suit it is…
• Now comes the fun part: “SEX”. There is usually an unwritten rule of thumb in such occasions: NO SEX IN THE FIRST DATE. Tough luck.
• The total costs of this first date will probably end up costing you approximately $500 for a nice sexless night of food and company.

In comparison, the cost of taking a professional escort out for dinner is:

• Cost of dinner in a good restaurant with a nice 3 course meal $60.
• The escort fees for that one hour dinner is $200 which would cover the companionship and any topic you care to talk about. Many of those professional escorts are adept in every kind of social, cultural and political discussion you care to converse in.
• There is no need to get an escort a gift, however if by any chance you want to be a gentleman you could get a couple of nice roses for $40. 
• You can also wear one of your good old suits for this dinner and you would not feel guilty by any means.
• Now comes the good part which is the “SEX” again. If you behave yourself and is willing to spend an extra $200 then there is a great chance that you are going to get that wild hour of sex that you have been dreaming of.
• To sum it up, the total costs of a night out with an escort is also $500 however the “sex” is an added bonus which is definitely not going to happen in the first date with the future “Wife” to be.

Ok, now that you have passed all the fanfare and you finally gotten yourself married then brace yourself for what is to come…

As a single person you had been living in a small studio and had been paying approximately $600 to $800 for rent per month. You were also enjoying all the added benefit of a single life, endless parties, unlimited freedom, peace of mind, nag less nights of bliss….etc… you can kiss all that goodbye.

You made that commitment and said “I DO.”

The first thing you have to do is to upgrade to a one bedroom flat or probably a 2 bedroom house; one bedroom for you, and one for the baby who you thought was not going to be here so soon, but it will.

That house upgrade is going to cost a minimum of $1000 to $1200 per month to rent. That is a minimum increase of $400 per month which could buy 2 hours with an escort, or 2 sessions of sex per month which you are definitely not going to get with the “Wife” since she is going to be too busy buying the furniture for that extra room for the new baby.

Now let’s go back and analyze the “SEX” part once again. You probably thought that after you gotten married then you are going to have unlimited  access to all the “sex” you have ever wanted until death do you part. You probably read that in the marriage manual somewhere?! …. EEEE…. WRONG… well guess again. If you do the math and look at every statistics for the number of times married people have sex then you are going to have a big surprise coming your way. The average number a married couple has sex is: ONCE A WEEK, if you’re ever that lucky. That translates to 4 times a month. Therefore if we correlate that in money terms then it is equivalent to four $200 sessions with an escort giving a total cost of $800 each month. In other words four sessions each month with an escort is equivalent to the number of times you are likely going to have sex with the “wife.” 

Of course many have argued that an hourly session with an escort can not possibly equate to a full passionate night with the lovely “Wife.”…. EEEE… WRONG AGAIN…. Clearly you have not been married or been with a good escort before. Going back to those statistics and numbers once again, you are going to be surprised once more time. The average number of minutes (and I’m not talking about hours here) each session of sex is likely to last with the “wife” is approximately 26-44 minutes. Therefore a full hour of sex with an escort is going to be more than enough for the comparison exercise that we are undertaking here.

However in case your passions are inflamed at any one particular moment in time and you want to have more than the normal once a week sex flick with the wife then you have to be willing to pay for that extra mile. In most instances you have to take her out to dinner, maybe a movie, pump her up with alcohol until she is drunk enough to give you that extra hour. The cost of all this can be summarized as follows:

• Cost of dinner for two $60.
• Cost for that additional bottle of wine $50.
• Movie tickets and popcorn for two $40.
• Cost for her to do her hair, makeup…etc, to prepare for this additional night out with you is $100 in the least.

Therefore this night is probably going to cost you $250. That is $50 more than if you just opt for a single hour of sex with a dedicated escort of your choice.

Now let us briefly calculate the monthly costs of having a “wife.” I have put below some of the monthly expenses of maintaining a “wife” in a normal  household. However if by any chance I missed a few items then please forgive my ignorance.

• Cost of food $20 each day which comes to a monthly total of $600.
• Clothes $400 each month (very conservative estimate)
• Hair, makeup, manicure, pedicure…. $200 each month
• Car lease/rent a minimum of $200 per month
• Car Insurance $100 a month
• Medical insurance $400 a month
• Cell phone $50 a month
• Other unforeseen expenses $200

The total cost of a “Wife” in the household is estimated to be $2150 per month which is again equivalent to 10.75 sessions with an “escort”

However if you are ever so lucky and gotten the “wife” knocked up, then a beautiful child is going to fall right in your lap. Once again that is an additional cost that the “WIFE” has the potential of adding to the cost of your household. For the sake of argument I’m just going to add only one child in this mix. However if by any chance you or the “wife” wanted more, then you can kiss your money, your savings, your pension, your sex life, your sleep, your sanity….goodbye. Once again the minimum estimate to clothes, feed, dress, educate a child is between $1200 to $1500 a month depending on the level of input you are willing to invest. This again translates to minimum 6 sessions with an escort.

Now to sum all the above up in monthly terms:

We can clearly see that the difference in savings for using the service of an “escort” against that of the “Wife” is $3000. This can be translated to 15 hours of sessions with an escort if you have this amount of money to splash around. That is a whole hour of “SEX” and companionship every other day and not just 4 times a month which is the case with the “wife”

Once again I would like to irritate that I do not have anything against the the person they call the “Wife” but the numbers just simply do not add up. It’s a wonder why people are so sexually frustrated and in so much debt now a days. 

What do you think?!