WAYS TO END A FIRST DATE

1). Handshake only…unless you see
him picking his nose. He wore his
finest Goodwill clothes but hasn’t
brushed his teeth since childhood!

2). A hug unless you can smell his
BO from 4 feet away. He was homeless
with a: “WILL DATE FOR FOOD” sign.
You were sick of eating alone.

4). A restraining order because he
doesn’t understand the word “no.”
Always say NO to surprise amateur pap
smears and FREE BREAST EXAMS.

5). A trip to the ER as he’s been cutting
himself in your bathroom. All you did
was ask how his day went! You’ll
probably meet again someday in psych.

6). Schedule a second date if he doesn’t
take a dump with your bathroom door
open. You still aren’t sure. Plus side…
he isn’t a long lost relative! Illegal?

7). Handjob. He’s done nothing wrong
but lingers too long and he’s poor.
Stalker type. Leave is cum all over
his pants in hopes he won’t follow you

8). BJ – if he makes $100,000 a yr or
more. But he’s married with kids.
Possible sugar daddy. Tell him how
tough your life is. BECAUSE IT IS!

9). Full Fuck – if he makes $100,000 a yr
and has never been married. See if he’s
gay. Possible next hubby. Divorced?
Rebound? Swallow and lick your lips.

10). Fuck him with a condom. He fails
in some aspect but you are horny as
fuck and his cock is huge. His brain
isn’t but he can go for twenty minutes.

Until then…untie the pizza guy!