Undercurrent

It feels like I’m swimming for my life,

around me, a large body of water,

and there are absolutely no signs of land in sight.

My arms and legs grow heavier

from exhaustion.

Fire is burning in my lungs, as I breathe

And while I think I’m breathing in fresh air

it doesn’t feel like oxygen, quite the opposite.

Something hot and unrelenting coils in my chest

even as I exhale.

suddenly feeling as though

I’m wading in the fiery lakes of hell.

“Keep swimming.” I think to myself.

The end has got to be near,

because now it’s either sink or swim

and I’ve got to get out of here.

Something pulls at my legs as I try to get away.

A wicked voice says, “Leaving so soon? We were hoping that you’d stay.”

The voice curls around me and prickles at my skin,

sounding like a warning,

fight or flight is kicking in.

I struggle to get away,

hoping to break myself free.

“We are your friends, don’t run away.”

there’s that voice again…

so inviting that I’m almost tempted,

but I still choose me.

“Keep swimming.” My voice of reason says again.

“Well the offer is tempting, but I don’t want any new friends.”

I break free and swim

because surely my life depends on it,

silently praying that this nightmare comes to an end.

The moon now kisses the sky and is cradled by the stars.

I use them as a compass.

I swim toward them, in hopes that land isn’t too far.

Waves erupt in the water.

Churning angrily.

I don’t know what to expect,

I’ve denied something that lives here.

Will this be the end of me?

“Keep Swimming.”

Once more, something tugs at my legs,

fully submerging me into the water.

Deeper and deeper I’m pulled

until my lungs burn..

I always get myself into these situations,

when will I learn?

Darkness envelopes me, like a shroud in the night.

I grow tired, my body giving up its fight.

Slowly I sink beneath the undercurrent

with no more fight to give.

Because whatever has pulled me under

has decided that I should no longer live.

As I close my eyes and succumb to feeling, that is rather peaceful.

Until I’m yanked away by something equally as powerful if not more.

I open my eyes and realize that I’m alone,

but have somehow made it back to shore.

The moon no longer hanging in the sky,

but the sun is shining bright.

Feeling more protected in it’s beams

than under the cloak of night.

I fall to my knees and praise God

for his mercy and his grace.

And lastly, I thank him,

for putting anxiety and depression in their place.

“Keep Swimming.”

— Poetic Gawdess