no one’s prayin now

some mornins
you wake up already losin
heart racin
like it’s runnin from somethin
but there’s nothin chasin
just the weight
of bein awake again

the bottle’s been gone
three and a half years
but some nights
you can still taste it
burnin down your throat
like it never left
like it’s waitin in your blood
to be remembered

you swallow pills
not for peace
but to keep the noise
from spillin out your mouth
to dull the edge
so no one calls it madness

it’s not even pain
half the time
just a dull hum
of nothin matterin
not the music
not the rain
not the love

that has settled deeply
in your chest

and you try
you try like hell
to give a fuck
to find a reason
to make your breakfast
to take a shower
to call someone back
to stay

but the world’s so goddamn loud
and still so fuckin empty
and you’ve been screamin into it
with your hands full of dirt
tryin to build somethin
that doesn’t crumble
or at least collect enough
to bury yourself

they say pray
but to who?
you’ve been down on your knees
and the floor’s not as cold
as the silence that follows

the damper pedal
used to be the only god you believed in
softenin the weight of everythin
yoi couldn’t say out loud
but your favorite key
the one in G minor
stopped singin
just clicks now
like even the piano
gave up on tryin to hold you

so now
you just sit
smokin
not b/c you want to
but b/c your hands
need somethin to do
while you wait for the ache to pass

and maybe it will
or maybe it won’t
either way
no one’s prayin now
not even you
not anymore