self hatred is upon me
my grip slipped and I indulged
sobriety is much harder than I thought
my will is to succeed so I will pick up myself and start again
daunted and shaken I realize it may be rough
if I obstain I go through long bouts of feeling like shit
with my indiscretion I feel weak
like a liar and cheat
I'm worried about the rest of my life
choosing to believe it will get better
I've never done life on my own
I've always imbued myself with substances
I'm unsure I can hack it
but I have to try
succeeding feels better than losing
dealing with pain without something to numb it is new
my struggle with my addictions bring me shame
please God don't let me die this way
my prayer rises from somewhere deep
sullen truth self loathing and getting high
they go together
somewhere inside me I am
unbreakable, unshakable and real
please let me see the light of day
Rated for Mature(17+) 
Categories:
PoetryIndiscretion
Bookmark
Summary:
just feeling a bit guilty...
Copyright @ All rights reserved
Post / Chapter Author
I have friends that did drugs all their lives. Their minds are crazy at times, and their appearance is horrible. One has brown spots all over her teeth and aged terribly. People know she’s on drugs, it will always show as the years add up.
I wish you luck, but know you can’t do it on your own. You will probably need help.
thank you for reading and commenting fortunate for me this was a relapse not a new course I will face every day I can sober and I just started counseling so will see how it goes…I’m more worried about my health I take care of my appearance…❤️
This is open and raw, Brenda. You let us in to see the true you. Nice
hello lovely Fia I am struggling some days it’s like being on pins and needles with anxiety all day still I will start again tomorrow and hope it gets better thank you for your understanding heart ❤️
A powerful testament to the will to live and be free of the weight that can hold you down. Strength abounds in your words. The courage to face the future unflinchingly and overcome the obstacles to your freedom.
John
thank you dearest John for such encouraging thoughts just lovely I appreciate you ❤️
Chère B.,
Hope this finds you well?
What a powerful poem/story!
To be able to stop is prove of your will power.
To make mistakes and to be able to stop again is prove of being very human. As in very very human in all glory.
I say: hats off (in Dutch: hat off – how many hats do you wear?) to you.
I wish for you to keep up the strength and love from those around you.
Please don’t give up. You are strong!
Kind regards, Gus
Maybe you’ll notice that English is a language my mum didn’t teach me. If I make stupid mistakes, I’m sorry
hello dearest gus thank you for the very thoughtful comment and as far as your English goes it’s very good…that you know more than one language wonderful… I deeply appreciate the uplifting comment ❤️
You have the strength of conviction and honesty. It’s half the battle. Humans are flawed by nature, you will never be perfect. Being the you that you are is a beautiful and precious thing. Don’t ever change that.
thank you graciously for such a beautiful comment lovely Adira ❤️
You’re welcome Brenda
Killer poem Brenda. Well written and strong in delivery!
thank you graciously dearest Keith ❤️