Glutton…

they used to tell me
it looks like I’m hunting trouble
leaving them thinking I enjoy the drama

I get it…
I do
I can see how it might seem that way to you

but that’s not it
I’m not chasing more of the same
same shit different day
I actually prefer peace and quiet

it’s just…
I’m used to my own darkness
…my personal chaos
familiar with its monsters
we’re on a first name basis

doesn’t mean I seek their company
in truth I’d rather avoid them
too much between us
…if you know what I mean

but I catalog every journey
mapping every foray
keeping a detailed inventory
learning which avenues to avoid

trust me…
I choose other roads
try to make healthier choices
might look the same to you

it isn’t…

and when things go to shit
…as life has a habit of doing…
I remember how to find the exit

(if I’m not growing from my mistakes
they’re just failures
wasted time with nothing gained)

so…yeah…
I’m willing to sit in solitude with pain
memorizing and tracking wrong turns
and next time…
it will be a lesson learned
and I won’t go there again

because I paused…
and paid attention
experience speaks…
and I try to listen