It sounds like that life is taking enjoyment from the pain until you shed of the outer layer and reveling the truest form of you which is joy.
That is what I am getting from this piece. I could be wrong.

Beautifully penned, Ben. Amazing flow, this ain’t your first rodeo my friend. Spectacular write. Appreciate you.

Damian

As a fellow introvert, I rock with this.

People who need constant stimulation mark themselves as having “no inner resources”, as Berryman once said. I crave boredom to the point to where I have to dose it out like a drug before I succumb to maladaptive daydreaming lol

You cannot please everyone. I like this

Yes it is devastating to try to please everyone. Thank you.