It so sad that they pushed the dreams of the main character away in the beginning of this part.

I apologize for taking so long to look at your work. A variety of life’s big and little interruptions conspired to steal much of my time lately. But here I am, and I am so happy that my wait was worth it. This is a fine start to what appears to be a long, interesting story, Al. Alas, judging from the throngs who died before they could finish crawling to your literary door and now litter the lonely alleys and rutted paths of the struggling author, you must realize this is life for those of us on the other side of money and influence. I have posted one novella here and so far, I think Fia has been my sole customer. Poetry is what rules here, Al, just like at the Writers Cafe down the road. So you at least have this lonely soul to keep you company. This does not mean I am trying to convince you to repay me by reading my novella; I’m pretty sure it would not fit in your more refined bailiwick, so don’t worry about that. Besides, you’ve already paid me a couple of nice visits, so we’re on the way to cementing a fine never-see-you relationship. Now, to the meat of this long intro: I like this beginning of your story. It has the feel of Dashiell Hammett to me. Now don’t get all goose bumpy, you’re not there yet. But isn’t it nice to start off with a big “Wow!”? Now, let’s talk about character. Based on the very little I know about you, your heroine is built partially, at least, on yourself. Nothing wrong with that, and I presume this is not going to be an autobiography. For one, you are not yet well known enough for people to want to read about your life (sorry). However, to imbue your main character with your own traits is definitely a way to give her a solid start; but if this is NOT an autobiography, it feels, at least, like a bit of a short cut to building a character. Okay, please don’t get mad. You should know that when I write a review of someone’s work, I am honest, and that is what I expect in return. Second, I can see that you used only a piece of you to build Alex. Hell, you wrote a large piece of the first chapter before you even gave her a name. Then you “spread out” from there giving her more warmth in her treatment of her guest from Albion (one of my favorite places; my family is from Wales. Yes, the Welsh FlatDaddys, an ancient clan!).
Damn, I want to continue this (I did not know I would be so verbose, sorry), but I have to go now; somethin g came up! But I will return. Suffice it to say, I am enjoying your work. It has an elegant style I like.
FlatDaddy

As I said above, I had to leave before I was finished, but I won’t say much more. I couldn’t move on without commenting on your deft touch with lines like, “watching dust settle over my life layer by layer” — very nice. Alex does not seem to me to have a future as a cop with the kindness she shows her prisoner despite the danger to her career (breaking the plastic radiator ring). But I presume she will gain a more gruff exterior as she settles into her gendarme persona, given time and experience. However, I also see the obvious romantic possibilities. The picture you chose to represent your two main characters, at least on this page, is a sure insinuation that heated moments between these two will surely come. I look forward to their denouement. But then I cheated a bit without meaning to: I saw the descriptive “tags” you left for this piece, and one of them is “Erotica.” It’s even capitalized! My, my.
FD

This is brilliant.

Very interesting first chapter. Welcome to Stars Rite

Powerfully penned, Al. Excellent storytelling my friend. Welcome to Stars Rite. Appreciate you.

Damian

Very nicely done, Ai. I look forward to more of your work.