Pumpkin King

we used to embrace Xmas
until it became commercialized and jaded
I detest that Saint Nick as he sits on his throne
ignoring the rise in bratty kids
he gives out presents with no rhythm or reason
and the parents aren’t any better
griping over trivial things
when there are real atrocities in the world
that’s why immediately I’m invoking
operation “Christmas Massacre!”

my commander-in-chief, Oogie Boogie
release the corpse kids, undersea gals
harlequin demons and the clowns with tears
first the elves must go then the deer
they fight with sugar cannons
and candy cane swords
but they are no match for our chemicals
provided generously by Dr. Frinkelstein

Sally’s head is delivered to me in a box
that fucker Grinch was up to it
so I send nukes to his door
the Bumble arrived putting up a valiant fight
but when all was done we cut him up
he sure did taste good
the misfit toys attacked from the north
even the Miser brothers joined the fight
sending kamikaze fighters to bomb us
nothing our witches couldn’t handle

we finally made it into his fortress
there he was, the Sandy Claws
guarded by his Krampus
he killed nearly all of my men
only me and Zero were left
Zero got Krampus in the neck
as they were busy I cornered that coward
Claws begged me for his life
undeterred, I cut off his head
then made a jack-o’-lantern as a trophy