LEAVES

LEAVES

I remember an autumn when
I was maybe six years old. We lived
in a house with a large tree in the
backyard that shed it’s large leaves.

Mom was on a break from my step-
father and living with a nice man in a
nice clean house in the suburbs. He
worked, paid bills and didn’t molest!

We moved again before the following
fall as mom wasn’t very stable. But
that was one day when my sister and
I jumped in a pile of leaves and smiled.

We ran. We tossed leaves into the air.
We chased each other and rolled
around. We wrestled and played! No
one screamed, “Shut the fuck up, brats!”

My sister and I were never close…
except that one day! It’s sad that our
entire childhood couldn’t have been
like that one special day. But it wasn’t.

We even had hot cocoa when we
went inside. I made it in the microwave
by myself. I used tiny marshmallows
to flavor it. Very few good memories.

A few weeks later, we were living with
our aunt. For a long time, when things were bad – I thought of that autumn day.
I even put a leaf in Sissy’s casket.

—-

It’s that time of year again. But there
were no leaf piles anywhere in my hood.
I packed a bag and went in search. Two hours and several buses to the suburbs.

I couldn’t find the exact house. But I
found one similar with a large maple.
I snuck in back and began to play…
Jumping, yelling and tossing leaves.

I smiled and I cried. I sat there for
thirty minutes and a man came out
and asked if I was ok. He didn’t yell
or tell me to leave. He saw me crying.

I asked if he’d ever played in the leaves.
He said, “A long time ago.” I asked him
to join me and he politely declined. I
asked if he drank hot chocolate.

He said, “Yes.” I told him my story
and handed him the bag I’d packed
with marshmallows and packets of hot
chocolate. We went inside. I cried more.