I watched another sun come up
And another sun has set
As shadows lengthen into the night
But nights no darker than the day
And my life
Both good and bad
Lies wasted in the stain
The feeling of lost
Which cradles me now in emptiness
And for what
For saying I wanted to be kissed as if this was our last breath
For wanting to be part of us
And not a me and you
For wanting warmth and not just a body
Lying beside me in the bed
Work it out!
Work it out?!?
How many years have I slept alone
Duty bound and honest to a vow
I threw myself at work
I threw myself at church
I threw myself at the wall you won’t tear down
I beat on it until I began to crumble with the blows
And then, though honest to the vow
I fell
I lied and why
Was it me or was it you
My lie or did you push me
Away
One too many times
And someone spoke from the heartbreak I was feeling and I fell
I lied and why
Was it me or was it them
Or where were you all those days
All those nights
All that time to be with you and yet be so alone
And now I am alone
You have your wall
She found her life
And I have emptiness to cradle me in that vow
Life’s too precious to just die for words
Words that taste like ashes in my mouth
Just dust scattered on the winds
Empty words
Are you a martyr for the cause
Don’t die for me
If you can’t live for me
And call it holy
Put me out of your noble suffering
I’m done with flagellation
I’ve died the death for you
Take the bolts and bars off of your heart
Or I’ll burst these bonds and flee this cell
I knelt before you at the altar not the stocks
I long to see blue skies and evening stars through a lover’s eyes before I die
To taste a kiss wreathed in the scent of honeysuckle and pine
Yearned for hungrily and given ceaselessly
When last did you kiss me like you meant it
Can you remember
I can’t
And you don’t even know how sad I am
Truth broke over me like a wave last night and pulled me stumbling, down
Tumbling
Scraping across sand and shells and rocks
Suffocating
I couldn’t breath
How can one be breathing and still drown
And then I was free
Free of hurting and denials and lies
And being left with consequences – having to carry my pain and yours
And I am empty today
With nowhere to turn but the mirror
And the man there won’t even speak to me
Because I’m afraid to look him in the eye
And see what he truly has to say
I still fear the truth about me
But at least I’m free
Joe, that is just breathtaking. What an incredible catharsis. I’ve read many things about the disintegration of love, the falling away – but never anything so utterly raw and weeping as this. Such detail and emotion. The final freedom you describe is so anticlimactic, so real in its hollowness. The wound is so visible, the pain so palpable.
Second person narrative is hugely effective here. It magnifies the emotion of your piece considerably.
The beauty of love is all that we imagine. The death of love is never what we thought.
Thank you for reading (my writes often ramble), and sharing your thoughts and compliments with me.
Here’s to the sweetness of the dream. 🍻 Cheers!
Your poem, your response to DK, all of it so truthful, so raw. No barriers, just a man who knows himself. Thank you so much for sharing yourself.
The emotions you describe are universal and said perfectly, in the way I’m beginning to realize that only you can. Maybe it’s because I’m at a point where reading about love and loss doesn’t hurt as much as it did before.
It’s not rambling, btw. It’s Joe Speak.
Happy unofficial 1st day of summer.
Glad to share my summer and my Joe speak with you. Its funny that one day pain doesn’t hurt anymore, except sometimes. But if it didn’t hurt, was love really real?
To summer! 🍻 cheers!