A Confession

The morbid hue of death awaited us
when I made that last promise to you.

Vanity! I already sensed the vanity,
that delicate moment when our trust lived. 

For the life of me, however, I don’t know why.
Why I let go, why I allowed that promise to you

to wither into that stagnate air of death. 
Now the future appears very bleak for us.

Finally, I’ll say, I will never make a promise again!
Ever! The breath of life, once sweet and vibrant,

now not much more than a dessicated leaf
in the fall time of our relationship!

Now it’s wintry rejection, glares and reticence. 
That once summery breath of life we shared,

hides somewhere beneath a blanket of snow, 
and you are lost to me forever.

I don’t know why I lament about it now. 
That promise, like many others, were lies.

I must be so wintry-hearted! The freeze of 
a lingering, ghostly conscience once true. 

The seasons of heartache are over for me.
Every heartbreak, every pinching of love’s flame,

brought me misery and regret as well!
I can’t stay faithful to one woman.

My cold addiction to hot, sweaty sex
with strangers could wreck me forever!

And I know it. I know I’ll wander through life
alone and truly unfulfilled in my vain search.

A search with a blind conscience, unfeeling hands, and a soul dying to leave this body.

If I am ever wrecked, and if God exists,
please accept my poor soul!

I may not shine like an angel,
but my heart beats like a drum.

If I am wrecked now, may I not be blind to it.
May I be given angelic wings 

and the ability to find true love,
whether in this life or the next.

I will end this confession here, may all my old flames someday shine again and forgive me!