truth is…
I don’t sleep these days
I stare at the insides of my eyelids
silently screaming
there are holes
where joy should live
before it pulled up stakes
and retreated
somewhere…
I can no longer see it
and the darkness…
is thick with remembrance
heavy with dread
not wanting to crawl out of bed
bones turning brittle
as I stumble around
feeling my way
arms spread before me
bleeding from the leeches
sucking out youth…resilience
everything
I’m filled with such anger
it burns through my body
cramming expression into my mouth
and I’m forced to clamp my jaws
to keep them from spilling out
but when it suddenly drains
so do I…
leaving me…
a skin sack filled with aching
no momentum left to carry
so I become stone
anchored in place
I pick up the pen
scribble my emotions and thoughts
but the words stare back at me…
accusingly…
“is that true?”
and I don’t know
what I feel and what I see…
are they the same thing?
the world is imploding around me
I’m…quietly crumbling
and I feel like dead weight
but I’m still breathing
wishing I weren’t so strong
that I could set it all down
simply…fade away
but there’s too much fire in my veins
too much pressure
and I’m afraid…
I may never get there
all this time…the eternal fight
only to drop…
within sight of the finish line?
I’ve always been proud of my scars
they mark my Survival
but lately…
I find myself hiding
pulling further away
from myself…from them
my armor has become too thin
threadbare with the beatings
and I’m weary of being too much
…or not enough
still…I reach out in desperation
trying to find connection…
but truth is…
I’m just so tired
I feel this. Know that you are not alone feeling this way. the statement of “I am tired” cut deep. At one point the feeling of it all and feeling that no one gave a damn was so much…let’s just say I would not be here if I did not have someone. We all do not have that “touch stone” person. I do understand.
Thank you
Absolutely gobsmackingly brilliant,powerful,honest,scary and sad.
When I read this, the only question. I had was why?Why does one keep holding on when there is nothing left to hold on to?
Why,if God exists,would he torture his children?
Why are we even alive?
Take care my friend.The tide can turn quickly and bring you back to shore.🙏
Thank you
🤗
Thank you
Tired,, but alive, broken, but the pieces are all there, they fit together, like the way rain brings flowers. Our tears fill the oceans where all life began. And our scars (whether visible or unseen) become the instruments of our music and can be heard in the cosmos. Willow, your poem resonates like violin strings, hauntingly and with grace. Not sure if you see or feel it, but you give us all the strength to continue, to disturb the universe, like pebbles thrown in the pond, creating ripples that go on forever.
I do not know you, Willow, and have only read a few of your poems, but I am happy you are here.
Curt
I have no words…
Thank you
Powerfully penned, Willow. The armor does get thinner with time I think it’s part of facing mortality. At least that’s part of it anyways. There are layers as I always say, but it’s tiring indeed. Time catches all of us eventually, but our scars lend to wisdom, even those earned by trial and error. That’s what popped in my head anyways. Excellent write my friend, I can relate. Appreciate you.
Damian
Some days the scars weigh more heavily than the wisdom. But it’s there, resting, I think. Thank you for the reminder, my friend
You nailed it. Fantastic work. It’s hell to get old.
Truth and facts! Thank you
This is the first piece of yours I have read, but HER suggested you for membership in our new Spoken Word group. I took her at her word, and though I have not heard any audios by you yet, I wanted to take a peek at just some of your words first. If you have audios, I certainly want to hear them, on the strength of the words you have left here, not what someone has told me. This is brilliant work, Willow, tough, strong, gut-wrenching, sad; it touches all the emotions and pulls the reader in. I will read more, and I want to hear what your work SOUNDS like.
It sounds like emotion unfiltered, I imagine. Still new to me. Hopefully you’ll find it interesting. Thank you
What I have heard is amazzzzing.
Thank you
I had to listen and read again. This is so kickass. And I had to come back to confess: I have been there, Willow. Spent months with other versions of me in that cold, white setting, surrounded by so many suffering with me there, with only ourselves and our pain for company. This piece brought all of that back … so many years ago, … so many miles since then. Thank you for this.
Yeah, it has serious weight. I try not to let it sit too long but it will have its say