My First Big Loves: Summer of 2005 and 2007

Prologue 

How it all started and was lost…

     I have always had an addiction to sex. Before I lost my virginity to my first big love in high school, it existed as an obsessive thought. Going further back, I knew what sex was having older siblings and their friends around. Peeking into my sister’s kama sutra, stealing playboys from my brother, and sneaking onto his computer where he stored thousands of pornos. I knew one day I would be with many women, a life that would be filled with nirvana. I would only have a grasp on love intermittently, all the gaps in-between, I was a whore!

     Fast forward to the sexless life of my present relationship. It’s a stagnate one and the road ahead looks pretty bleak. Naturally, I need liberation and I’m convinced she does too. Flirting with another woman brings me relief, a sense of fulfillment, and just makes me feel that fresh, youthful happiness all over again, back in a time when I worried less, did not care to break a heart no matter how sweet she was.

      I conclude this prologue with a thank you to a certain starsrite member who inspired me to write this short memoir. A memoir, I’ve never thought of writing anything as such. 

Summer 2005…

     Her name was Jessica Belloff, sixteen-years-old, and gorgeous. I had met her in an AOL chat room in February, 2005. A German chat room as I was learning German at the time, we hit it off quick and traded pictures almost immediately. Then, as I remember, sex chatting. Having turned eighteen at that time, I received inheritance from my deceased grandmother to go buy my first car. Instead, I used it to buy a plane ticket to go see her for that summer. No regrets, ever! I was going to Germany, alone, into a home where the local cultural custom allowed an eighteen-year-old me to stay in the teenage daughter’s bedroom for the summer! 

     I remember before I left, my sister driving me to go get condoms, a whole box of ten or so. Jessica and I dirtied all those in less than the first week. My parents were the ones who drove me to Logan Airport in Boston, stopping at an IHOP first. All I could think about how I was about to lose my virginity to a very sexy, European girl in the heat of summer. We had mailed each other many times before I embarked. She had sent me a package containing her baby blue colored short shorts she had worn and sweated in, and had sprayed her perfume on. I reciprocated with many nudes of me and videos sent via instant messenger and email.

     Landing at Frankfurt International Airport that June, was the turning point in my life. It was almost midnight, and I was surprised to find out, much to my dissatisfaction, her father wanted me to spend my ti.e in a hotel, The Residenz Inn, just down the road from her home. Her sneaking out at night came up as a suggestion. 

     That first night, after we arrived in my room, her brother and sister there, we couldn’t do anything yet. Then they left to give us a few minutes. Not enough for a quickie, unfortunately, but a kiss. I have never this story to anyone before until now. Like a woman’s heart, although this man’s has been locked without a key for twenty years. The dust has been accumulating over my heart ever since, as I have never been that madly in love again. That first kiss to whom would become my first and my first love. 

     After her siblings exited my room, Jessica sat on the bed and I followed beside her. We held hands and and said nothing. I then guided her by the chin to look at me and then I pressed my lips into her’s. Soft lips, that were plump. Then as we lapped tongues, we both began to slowly lay back o to he bed. Then she startled and said, “not yet.”

     It was cute how she then hugged me, then left the room. Al.oat my first time, but the next morning would be a different story…

     School was still in session in Germany, and she skipped class that sweltering summer morning to knock on my door, looking pretty as hell. From what I remember, I was love-struck already, and already knew I would never stop caring for this girl, no matter if she remained only in the far-corner lost somewhere in my heart. Love-making isn’t the correct term for what followed, fucking is. All the previous months of teasing each other over the phone had culminated to that moment I let her in. Then it was just her and I. Again, we sat together on the bed, hand in hand, kissing. Truthfully, I said this before we undressed the other, “you take my breath away.” 

     And that Jessica did. We both gave it up and our melting hearts molded into one. It was the best summer of my life. Prior to that, I thought I knew what love was. What passion was. But it went way beyond what I had ever imagined.

     I could go on. But something bades me not to. Something within, that wants to keep those cherished memories of Jessica locked away in my heart. No more pictures of her and me exist, Jessica and I exist now only in fading memory. 

I will never forget you, Jessica. 

Auf Wiedersehen… 

***

Summer 2007…

     After Jessica, it was Roseanna Baldassare. My age, also gorgeous, we met on a dating site called, True.com.   

     After Jessica, I felt I would never feel love again, but Rose entered my life, fortunately. 

     In the heat of that summer, when i drove down to visit her for the first time down in North Branford, Connecticut, she answered the front door in her bikini, which contrasted beautifully with her naturally-tanned, olive skin. She is full-blooded Italian by heritage. 

     Her amazing smile when. That door opened, her perfect body, I remember thinking I was smart to buy condoms on my drive down. We hugged and we went straight to her living room couch. Home alone except for her disabled grandfather down the hall, who was catatonic, we did what we did everyday that summer I made the long drive down from Massachusetts to see her. Only minutes passed and I kissed her. I removed her bikini top and her salami nipples, fully erect went straight into my mouth. Then much to her pleasure, I went down between her legs, pulled down her bikini bottom, and ate her pussy wildly. I recall as I did so, my eyes rolled up to her’s and again she smiled in total satisfaction as her eyes bulged. And I recall it was only seconds until I made her orgasm the first time. 

     When it was her turn, it wasn’t long either that a string of my cum squirted over her lips and across her cheek. Putting it back into her mouth she did t want my orgasm to end our first time, so she wrapped the condom on me and rode me. Managing to stay rock-hard for her, we sweated up the cushions and stained the couch a little with cum. Rose just flipped the cushions over, out of sight and out of mind. 

     I could write on but this post is too lengthy and not what I originally intended to write. Deep within my conscientious heart, I hope to find that Jessica or Roseanna again… someday. 

Fast-forward to Autumn 2012…

     Roseanna and I tried to reconnect, and much to my sorrow, after telling Rose I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and bipolar, she distanced herself. Then, after confessing I suffered now with suicidal ideation, she cut me off after berating me, “what happened to the Daniel that everyone looked up to and wanted to be like?!” Her words ring still in my memory. 

     Love lost forever… now almost fourty, I am unmarried, childless, sexless, loveless and friendless. Starsrite.com is my only outlet for friendships and sweet little meaningless flirting fun. No more. 

     I will end this post now, in hope. When you feel you have nothing, I must confess, hope, whether vanity or not, hope is all you have left…